Inner Piece

Strawberry Tiramisu

2010-02-07T21:05:00.006-06:00

Every year Jamey, Laura and I do our version of Iron Chef Alabama and fix a fabulous dinner to celebrate my parents' anniversary. 46 years and she hasn't killed him yet! Go Mom!

Anyway, this year, I ended up in charge of the desert. Bored with chocolate, we went hunting for inspiration and found a recipe by Giada de Whatsherface for raspberry tiramisu. Sounded yummy. Except that I hate raspberries. Bleck. But, one of the advantages to living in the South is that Florida is just a hop, skip and a jump away, and strawberries are coming into season in early February. Good strawberries just might be better than sex.

So, strawberry tiramisu.

First, slice up about 16oz of strawberries. I quartered three-fourths of them and then halved the rest. The halves went on the top to look pretty. Sprinkle them with a couple of tablespoons of sugar and let them get happy while you work on the other stuff.

Next, you're going to mix 1 cup of strawberry jam and 4 tblsp of orange liqueur. Something like Grand Marnier, only we used a knock off that Martin brought back from Puerto Rico because GM is $40 for the small bottle. Yikes.

Mix 16 oz of marscopone cheese and 2 more tblsp orange liqueur.

Then add 1/4 c of sugar and 1 tblsp of vanilla to 1 cup of heavy cream.

Whip until soft peaks form. Fold the whipped cream a little at a time into the marscapone.

Now put a layer of ladyfingers in the bottom of your dish. A trifle bowl works best, but we were too lazy to walk to Nanny's and get one, so we just used a pretty bowl.
Dab those ladyfingers with some more of that orange liqueur.

Top with a layer of the jam...

then a layer of the whipped cream and marscapone...

then a layer of those luscious strawberries. Try not to eat too many.

Continue for two more layers.
Arrange some whole strawberries on top and sift on some powdered sugar to make it all pretty and.....Voila!

Chill for a couple of hours or overnight before serving.

Just lovely.

Yum!

Aren't you jealous?

Reflections on a decade

2010-01-01T11:53:00.002-06:00

On this first day of 2010, I've been thinking about how much has happened in my life in the last decade and hoping that the next ten years are just as wonderful. Ten years ago, I was newly engaged and trying to finish graduate school and plan a wedding. The wedding was lovely, the master's degree didn't get finished. That's my only real regret in life. But still, I've accomplished so much in the last ten years.

I have gotten married. Bought a house. Given birth to three gorgeous children. Written two books, even if they will never see the light of day again. Adopted pets. Buried pets. Buried a grandparent in law. Made new friends. Celebrated with old friends. Had fights. Made apologies. Gone on vacations. Sunk into depression. Lived life to the fullest.

In other words, I've lived and loved and mostly had a wonderful time doing it. I cherish every memory and hope the next ten years is packed just as full of laughter and life as the last ten years.

Happy 2010 everyone!

Man sick.

2009-12-04T08:05:00.002-06:00

You know what that means, right? It's what we women call men who act like they're dying when they just have a little cold. They lay around on the couch and whimper and beg for sips of tea.

I have a confession to make. Bill is not the person in this house who gets man sick. When he's sick, he piles up in the recliner with his laptop and proceeds to work from home all day long. I offer medicine and tea and he usually refuses. He's pretty good at being sick.

Me, on the other hand, well, I'm the one who gets man sick. I hate being sick, so I get whiny. I curl up on the couch with books and tea and a blankie and try to get Bill to do all the work around here.

I have a cold right now and I'm moping around this morning whining to myself about how much my head hurts and my sinuses are on fire and whah whah whah whah whah.

Yep. The woman of our house is secretly the man as evidenced by the fact that I get man sick.

Autumn is for Apples

2009-11-13T10:13:00.003-06:00

We eat tons of apples in our house. Quick, healthy, yummy snacks. Apple pancakes. Apple crumble. Fried apples. You name it, we probably like it. Ellie likes Granny Smiths, Emma likes Galas, Sam like Yellow Delicious and Galas. I like them all, but my absolute favorite is the elusive Honey Crisp. It is apple perfection. Crispy, juicy, sweet and crunchy. Not mealy or mushy or tart or dry. Honey Crisp apples are the greatest apple ever. And apparently the growers know it because it is rare to find them for less than $4 a lb. I won't buy them at that price, but last week Target had them in a 4lb box for $5. Heaven. I ate one on the way home and another once I got home. We'd eaten most of the box in less than 24 hrs. A box of Honey Crisp apples is better than a bowl of candy any day.

A Blessed Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T10:44:00.011-06:00

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)

Better late than never

2009-11-04T09:46:00.003-06:00

We had a great Halloween. Kids had a blast, got tons of candy. Trick or treater numbers seemed to be down this year. I don't know if people were thinking it was going to rain and planned something else or if they were afraid of the piggie flu. But, we had fun.

In the spirit of the day

2009-10-31T10:42:00.003-05:00

Be it Samhain or Halloween for you, I made pumpkin pancakes for breakfast. And the kids loved them. Ellie said they were better than my usual pancakes. Maybe I can come up with other things to do with pumpkin that she will eat.

So, Happy Halloween and a Blessed Samhain to you all!

Horse Show

2009-10-26T12:14:00.003-05:00

Saturday we went to our first horse show. The kids from our barn seemed to be the youngest ones there. They all range from 7 yrs to 9 yrs old. There was one other little girl about that age that I saw and the rest seemed to be preteens and up. But we had a great time and all the older girls were just fabulously nice to our little girls, as were the staff of the hosting barn and the judges. They all made sure that our girls and one boy had a great time and a great first show experience.

I was very proud of my two. They rode well, did their best, didn't have any fits and came home with two ribbons each. A perfect day, in my opinion.

Emma placed 4th in the trail obstacle class and Ellie placed 3rd in the musical sacks class. They took a 6th place ribbon in the costume class.

I even entered one class. I was in the costume class as Bo Peep and Bonnie as the sheep. We took 2nd place in the farm category. lol

Old friends

2009-10-16T12:13:00.004-05:00

I have to say, I love Facebook. I've reconnected with people that I haven't seen or talked to in 15 years. Some of us don't chat, just comment on each other's wall posts. But I love it. I know what people are doing, I know they are well. I've been delighted with how some of my high school friends have turned out and shocked by others. But, for the most part, everyone seems happy, healthy and content with life.

But, I recently found out one high school boyfriend/pal is not so healthy and well. He's been fighting lymphoma for several years and I had no idea. He's supposed to get a bone marrow transplant this week, and he's been in my thoughts all week.

It's also prompted me to go looking for a couple of people who have avoided the Facebook vortex (it's not just for us whippersnappers, you know). Found one with a little help from his sister, which is awesome, because they don't speak to each other.

So, since he can't view email attachments at work, some pics for him, if he ever checks out my blog.

His highness, the future evil dictator of the world, Sam. Ellie and Emma riding the lesson ponies.
Emma on the monkey bars and Ellie on the monkey bars. And of course that's me up above.

Sin in a jar

2009-10-04T11:04:00.002-05:00

AKA Nutella. If you don't know what this divine stuff is, then I'm very sorry for your taste buds. Nutella, for those of you who don't know, is a European delicacy that is a mix hazelnut spread (think peanut butter but with hazelnuts) and chocolate. It is a little thinner consistency than peanut butter and not as much stick to the roof of your mouth-ness. But it is divine. Or evil. I'm not sure which.

You see, not all that long ago, the only people in the US that knew about Nutella were those fortunate enough to have traveled to Europe or to have a European friend who could be their dealer, um, import agent. Americans traveled to Europe and discovered this deliteful little jar of sin and promptly tossed all their clothes and packed their suitcases full of Nutella to bring home. If they were really lucky, they had friends who either came to visit in the U.S. on a regular basis or who could be inticed into shipping a jar of Nutella to the States every so often.

You knew when you had one of those precious jars that you'd better savor it. Make it last. Ration it. Hide in the back of the cabinet to keep the kids out of it. After all, who could tell when you'd get another jar.

Then, the makers of Nutella hit on the brilliant idea of importing it to the U.S. Ah, veritable gold mine of Nutella starved people would flock to the stores and buy it. No more waiting for your European buddies to hook you up. Now you can just head down to the neighborhood grocery store and buy all you want.

But you know, I think I may have prefered it when Nutella was rare and came with labels printed in German or French. You enjoyed it and savored it and when it was gone, it was gone. You sighed over the memory and went on with life. And you couldn't read the nutrition label.

Now Nutella is available here and it comes with an English label. Honestly, if you are going to eat the stuff, you might as well just glue the jar to your ass. No, actually that wouldn't even do. You need to go get a 5 lb sack of flour and glue that to your ass. You see, the fat and calorie content of that little jar of divinity is hugely disporportionate to the size of the jar. There is a fat and calorie black hole in that jar and it sucks in way more fat grams and calories than should rightly fit in a jar of that size and then regurgitates them on your ass.

When Nutella lived in Europe, this wasn't a big deal. It was a rare treat. The calories didn't count, especially since you couldn't read the label (even if you spoke fluent German you could tell yourself you couldn't read the label). And you got to eat it once every couple of years. Not even as bad as birthday cake since you get that once a year.

But now, it's invaded the U.S. It's in our stores. And sometimes it leaps off the shelf into the grocery cart when I'm on the peanut butter aisle. I hold firm and only give in to the tempation a few times a year, though.

But oh my, the things you can do with a jar of Nutella, especially when you know there is more for the easy taking back at the store. Nutella smeared on a cookie. Nutella on cinnimon toaste. Nutella on ice cream. Cookies made with Nutella with more Nutella schmeared in the middles. Nutella on a freaking spoon with you look furtively around to see if the kids noticed you opening the jar because you don't want to share.

Even the knowlegde that I can't get my blue jeans past my hips didn't keep me from indulging in a Nutella crowned cookie or 12. The kids and I had managed to eat half the jar in just 24 hrs. # days later, the jar is almost empty. And I am sadly contemplating buying more right away because the girls like it on toast for breakfast and they are actually eating and getting some freaking calories in them before school. Yeah. Uh-uhn. That's the reason why.

I may never fit in those jeans again.

Prozac Nation

2009-08-25T08:39:00.002-05:00

I have submitted my request for citizenship. Celexa nation, actually. So far, I'm liking it just fine. Am I happy that I've reached a point in life where I need medication to deal with things? No, I'm not. But I am. And I'm glad it's there. Because the way I've been feeling, the way I've been reacting to everydamnthing isn't normal. Or if it is, I don't want to be normal. And apparently my doctor agreed that it wasn't normal because he wrote the prescription.

But I haven't screamed at my children in four days. I've been happy to give and recieve hugs and kisses from them. I've played with them. Saturday night, we were having dinner at my parents with some other family members and I got tickled at something my cousin said and I laughed. I laughed out loud, for several minutes. I haven't done that in months.

Am I happy I need pills? No, I'm not. But I'm happy I'm finding myself again. Happy that I'm enjoying my family again. Happy I can laugh again. And one day I won't need the pills to do all of that stuff, and I'm happy about that, too.

I hate August

2009-08-17T09:48:00.002-05:00

August is the one month of the year that I simply loath. Despise. Hate with a passion. Oh sure, my girls' birthday is in August, and that's something happy. And the first day of school is in August. That's always a cause for celebration. But those happen early in the month, leaving nothing else to look forward to except the cooler breezes of September.

Every year when the girls start back to school, I think I'll start back to my walking routine. This year, I'm dragging the dogs along. We headed out about 9am and walked for about 35 minutes. About halfway through, I was drenched with sweat and the dogs were panting like we'd been running. Now it was only about 75F. Not that hot, right? Ah, but you forget the unpleasant pea soup that posses for an atmosphere around here in August. Sweat doesn't evaporate, you can't get a deep breath and climbing a hill makes you feel like you're going to pass out.

The dogs were glaring at me and I could tell they were thinking "Hey, do you see this fur coat? Huh? Didja? Well, why don't you wear it? I'm hot. I want to go home. You try walking around on hot pavement in the middle of freaking August with a fur coat on and see how enthusiastic you are about the idea. Stupid human."

But we did it, and will be doing it again several days a week because my pants are all tight and I refuse to go buy more in a bigger size. My dear friend Toni has reminded me that I'd prefer to spend most of my 30s basking in my hotness, when I'm aware enough of my sexuality to enjoy it. Especially since when I was young and slender and actually was hot, I was too dumb to realize it and enjoy it. Thus, I am determined to fight the ravages of being fat, getting pregnant with twins while fat, and then getting pregnant with a fat baby while slightly less fat. I may never be a Playboy bunny, but I can damned well get to the point where I look hot with clothes on.

So, bring it on August. I'll be back out there tomorrow. But don't bring it on too much, because I really hate August.

How many have you read?

2009-08-04T21:48:00.003-05:00

This is making the rounds on FB, so I thought I'd play along.

The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?

Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read. Tag other book nerds.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen X
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte X
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee X
6 The Bible X
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte X
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell X
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles DickensX

Total: 8

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott X
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas HardyX
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare Does it count if I've read most of them?
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier X
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger I started this when I was about 20 and thought it was horrible, so I didn't finish it.
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

Total: 3

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell X
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens X
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy I've read part of this, but not the whole thing.
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams X
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck X
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll X
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

Total: 6

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis X
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden X
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne X

Total: 4

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell X
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown X
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez X
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery X
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood X
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

Total: 6

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martels
52 Dune - Frank Herbert X
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen X
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley X
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Total: 3

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

Total: 1

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens X
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker X
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett X
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce X
76 The Inferno – Dante X
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray X
80 Possession - AS Byatt

Total: 6

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles DickensX
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert X
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom X
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle X
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

Total: 5

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery X
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Total: 2

Grand total: 44

I've read more of the classics than the modern works. A lot of the modern books have reputations as tear jerkers and I try to avoid that kind of book.

Mental health issues, parenting and other desiderata

2009-07-30T22:45:00.002-05:00

Mental health issues. Why do they have such a stigma in our culture? No one thinks badly of a diabetic needing insulin and nutrition counseling or an asthmatic needing an inhaler. Why then is there a stigma to mental health issues. They are just as real, just as debilitating as a physical disease left untreated. And yet, we think that we should just shake off the depression, talk ourselves out of the anxiety that we know is out of proportion.

Besides that, everyone is a little bit crazy at times. Everyone needs a sympathetic ear, a sounding board. Marriages can always benefit from an outside viewpoint, especially since communication skills aren't something we learn is school. Even if your parents are great at communicating with each other, it doesn't mean you will be, or that your spouse won't feeling like clobbering you if you say something like "And how does that make you feel?"

I think as a parent, mental health is even more important. If parents go off the deep end, we risk passing our issues on to our kids. Case in point, my entire freaking family. Hello, they have more issues than the New York Times. But god forbid you actually try to deal with them. Oh no, that gets you shunned and accused of breaking of the family. "Why can't you just forget about all that?" might be wailed at you.

Still, it is the brave ones who admit they have problems, that get their asses in therapy and work on being as healthy mentally as they are physically. My mother was one of the brave ones. Hell, she ended up becoming a counselor herself, although she never practiced. So you would think that perhaps I would not be afraid of the stigma, would have sense enough to realize that I can't pull myself out of this funk. But no. I suffered through postpartum depression without ever saying a word because I stupidly told myself I had to suck it up and take care of my babies by myself, like a big girl. And now, I find myself dealing with it again. Well, not postpartum depression as I haven't grown a watermelon or two in my stomach for a while.

This time, it seems more like anxiety issues. I've always known I had some weird triggers. Telephones and people being late are biggies. But more and more it is carrying over into other things.
The state of my house (which I can sanely state isn't that bad). But the kids' rooms just make me want to sit down in the floor and cry. I cannot even stand to stay in the girls' room long enough to put up laundry. And yet, I feel anxious when I'm playing on the computer instead of cleaning.
My writing. Can't write if I won't even open the damned document. But I feel like I'm neglecting something else, something that might be more important. Like scrubbing a fucking toilet. After all, I'm not getting paid to write and might not ever see a paycheck for it.
My horse. I can barely stand to look at her right now. I don't know if I'll ever be able to ride her again. Or any horse, for that matter. And I'm avoiding the issue by not even going over there. But if it dries out, I'll be riding the lesson horse on Sat., even if all I do is sit there and cry.
Money. Huge issue. The idea of going shopping makes me want to hyperventilate. The girls' birthday is coming up and I haven't done a damned thing to get ready for it.
My kids and the noise and messes they make. Which leads us to my second topic.

Parenting. If someone had said to me before I had kids "You know kids make messes and scream and yell and carry on like heathens most of the time, don't you?" I would have looked at them like they were an idiot and replied "Of course I know that. It's part of having kids. They scream and yell and drive you crazy and leave crap all over the place. You deal with it. That's part of being a parent."

So, my kids scream and yell and act like heathens and leave messes. And it's driving me crazy. But I'm not dealing with it. I scream and yell and tell them to clean up or I'm going to throw everything away. I tell them to go outside if they want to be loud. The worst of it is that I've realized in the last few days that I can't even enjoy them laughing and being silly. The sound of your child's laughter is supposed to be a joyful one, right? Well, it just gets on my nerves. I just want them to hush.

I want to wake up to something besides the sound of them fighting. I want to eat a meal without them laughing over fart jokes. I want them to be able to pet the damned dogs without screeching "Whose a good girl?" at the top of their lungs. But most of all, I want to be able to enjoy the sound of their laughter again. I know parents are never happy about the mess and the noise, but I'd like to be able to at least deal with it without feeling like I'm going to lose it.

I don't want to listen to the chaos and wish I was back in my college apartment with just me and the cat again. After all, I spent many a lonely Friday night wishing that I wasn't alone, that I had found The One and had kids and messes and noise. I know being alone is worse than this. I don't want to be alone again. I want to enjoy my family again.

So, what am I doing about it? Um. Well, I've looked up some phone numbers for therapists. I even found one that has horses. Having a phone phobia kind of sucks at times like this.

I'll keep you posted.

St. John's Wort

2009-06-23T20:07:00.001-05:00

It works. Really it does. Just saying.

It's as easy as falling off a horse

2009-05-20T09:03:00.002-05:00

You know, falling off a horse is surprisingly easy. It's the hitting the ground part that is hard. Actually, even hitting the ground isn't that bad. Hitting other stuff on the way to the ground is rather painful, though.

I fell off my horse yesterday and I hit the gate on the way to the ground. I have a bruise on my ass the shape and size of one of the gate rails and another bruise on my arm that I just found this morning. My entire left side hurts, and that's not the side that hit the ground. That's the side that hit the gate. Some of it seems to be pulled muscles from fighting to stay on, too. The only thing on my right side that hurts is my jaw. I have a bruise along it. I must have bounced it off the ground.

I've discovered something, though. The worse has happened, and I survived. I'm not even really hurt. It wasn't that bad. Sure, I cried. It hurt like a motherfucker at the time. I've got bruises and sore muscles. But I'm ok. Hell, the side that actually hit the ground isn't even sore.

When I got back into riding a year ago, I found I had developed a fear of falling off the horse. It made me nervous all the time. I've got this fear of failure in other parts of my life, too. It shows up most noticeably in my writing. I'm afraid of failing, so I avoid actually writing. If I never finish, I can't get rejections, can I? But I have gotten a rejection, and it wasn't that bad. All that bruised was my ego, and not even that much because I knew that the manuscript I submitted wasn't all that fabulous since it was one of the first ones I'd ever written.

I got back on the horse, though. She freaked again but I landed on my feet that time. I've kept writing, and I'll land on my feet with that, too.

Don't be afraid to do the things you love. There are worse things than falling, like never getting on in the first place.

I'm happy to report

2009-05-19T08:52:00.003-05:00

We are married after all! Mother was able to get us a copy of our marriage certificate. Yay Mom!
It is still a mystery as to what I showed the SS people all those years ago, but there you go.

Are we married, or not?

2009-05-16T22:54:00.002-05:00

It seems that the manwhore's employer wants to see proof of our marriage so that I can stay on his health insurance plan. Something about saving money. Just a copy of your marriage certificate, they said. Ok, we said. So, we started looking for it. After going through files of 15 yr old bank statements, even older traffic tickets (his, not mine), old research papers and college notes, we haven't managed to find hide nor hair of a marriage certificate.

Neither one of us can actually remember getting one or sending off for it when we got back from our honeymoon. But I somehow managed to change my name on my Social Security card, and I do remember having to show them some proof that we were married. You would think that proof would have been a marriage certificate. I don't know what we showed to the human resources people way back then, either. Maybe they didn't ask. But if we had a copy of our marriage certificate, it has disappeared into the black hole of missing things, likely to never be seen again.

Fortunately for me, the State of Alabama seems to be lackadaisical about who they give them out to, so long as the person has all the right info. So, I've sweet talked my mother into going to get us one on Mon. If she fails in this task, I will have to make the trip down there and get it myself, which I really don't want to do. So much easier to have Mother to it for me and stick it in the mail.

But, are we married without the proof? Maybe. Maybe the kids are proof enough. That and the ball and chain around his ankle...

Some Mother's Day thoughts from my daughters

2009-05-11T08:10:00.002-05:00

They did these at school with the help of their teacher, who laminated them. Of course, they will go in the cedar chest. Mrs. S had them answer questions about their mom and fill in the blanks. I put their answers in quotes because I can't figure out how to do underlining in blogger.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! by Ellie

My mom's name is "Amanda." I call her "Mommy." I think she is "30" years old. Her hair is "brown." My mom is pretty as "a flower" and smells as sweet as "a flower." She can do many things. I think she is best at "cooking." My mom is very smart! She even know "2+2." If I had a million dollars, I would buy my mom "flowers." I love my mom because "she kisses me ever night!"

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! by Emma

My mom's name is "Amanda." I call her "Mommy." I think she is "32" years old. Her hair is "blond." My mom is pretty as "a princess" and smells as sweet as "a cherry." She can do many things. I think she's best at "writing books." My mom is very smart! She even knows "how to ride a horse." If I had a million dollars, I would buy my mom "roses." I love my mom because "she kisses me every night."

A little poetry for a Sunday afternoon

2009-05-03T16:09:00.002-05:00

"Some Wishes for You" by Charles Stephens

I wish for you...The thrill of knowing
Who you are,
Where you stand,
And why.
Especially why.

I wish for you...Not great prosperity, but great dreams;
Not riches, but a sense of your own worth,
These are what I wish for you.

Not even long life - however proud I'd be to have it so -
Instead, I wish for you...A life that is crammed with living,
Hour by hour.

I wish for you...an occasional troubled heart
To know and feel and change the woes and injustice
of a world that keeps you sleepless.

I wish for you...Solitude in the midst of company,
And a mind full of company within your quiet times.

I wish for you...Full todays and full tomorrows.

And love...I do wish for you...a bounty of precious love.
May you have it, and give it away frequently and abundantly.

Yay, cows!

2009-04-30T16:16:00.002-05:00

The girls had a field trip to the MTSU dairy farm today. It was fun and educational. I found out that diary farms are much stinkier than I thought they would be. It wasn't cow smell or poop smell. The barn where they milked the cows and stored the milk before transport smelled like rotten milk. Yummy! I also discovered that cows are expensive to feed. They eat 30+ lbs of grain a day at a cost of about $5 a day. No wonder milk is so expensive.

Furthermore, I think that there is something really wrong with the world when it is more cost effective for a dairy farmer to not allow calves to nurse at all and feed them from a bottle. WTF? They loose money when the cow is out of production because she is nursing her calf, and apparently bovine milk replacer is cheaper than bovine milk. So they pump off the colostrum for the calf (humans don't get that yummy bit) and give it to them by bottle, along with every other feeding until they are eating hay and grain. It's a strange, strange world.

We got to pet a cow, and that one obliged us by pooping just as we were walking up. All the kids had great fun yelling "EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!! POOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPP!"

And we got to drink some chocolate milk, which was very appetizing after smelling the rotten milk smell in the barn.

The barn cats seemed to steal the show with our class, though. The kids were more interested in petting them than learning about cows. It was a fun trip, though. And now I want ice cream.

Book Review: Jenny Crusie's Faking It

2009-04-27T12:04:00.002-05:00

I've been on a Jenny Crusie kick lately. Her books are generally fun, funny, fast paced and pretty hot. Faking It was no exception and might just be one of her best books. Tilda is an art forger gon straight and Davy is a con man gone straight. She just wants to save her family and stay out of jail. He just wants to get back the money that his former lover swindled from him, that he swindled from her. When Tilda and Davy meet in a closet and agree to help each other, tempers ignite, passions flare and secrets will be revealed.

Throw in the sister that has an alternte personality, her gay ex-husband, the hit man, an attempted murder or two and it's just all good. I give it an A+.

Maybe I should indulge my horse's maternal desires

2009-04-21T08:28:00.002-05:00

Every so often, I email the very nice lady from whom we bought Hope. I sent her an email this week with a picture of Hope watching over the new foal at the farm and asked her if Hope had ever had any foals. J told me that yes, she's had one foal, before she bought Hope. The people she bought Hope from were in the process of negotiating that sale as well, and supposedly sold the cold for $40,000. No, my fingers didn't stutter. Forty-fucking-thousand dollars. Da-yum! That kind of money is enough to make me rethink my stance on exploiting my horse's uterus.

Of course, I don't have a clue who Hope was bred to, I'm not a trainer, and not going to allow any foals she might have in the future to be trained in the "Big Lick" Walking Horse world. And "Big Lick" people are the only ones who are going to drop $40,000 on a Walking Horse colt. Of course, there is still the biggest reason of all: if we breed her, it will be because we want the foal, and I'm not going to be willing to sell it. So, no exploitations here. But $40,000 is enough to make me fantasize anyway.

Remebering Maggie

2009-04-20T12:55:00.003-05:00

Today is my beautiful Sundust Maggie's birthday. She would have been 18 yrs old. I've thought about her so much these last few weeks, thought about all the things I was looking forward to doing with her that we never got to do. I still miss her every single day. Having Hope is a blessing and a balm. She so clearly needed us, needed the love that we have to give. She eases the ache in my heart. But Maggie is not forgotten, is still loved and there will always be a piece of my heart that belongs to her.

Storm trauma

2009-04-15T09:21:00.002-05:00

Last Friday, we had some sever storms to come through middle TN. The tornado that left 2 dead and 35 injured and many houses destroyed was less than 10 miles from my house. My kids spent about 45 mins or longer huddled in the downstairs bathroom while I stood watch at the back door, looking to the SW so I could see what was coming at us. I watched a rotating clouds go over my house, clouds that in less than 5 miles from here had a funnel cloud hanging from them. I don't know if it ever touched down. There were so many small tornadoes in the area that day that it might have been one of those or it might have just made a funnel and then fallen apart.

Monday afternoon, we had yet another line of thunderstorms come through. They hit just as school was letting out, and wouldn't you know, the kids all had dentist appointments that afternoon. We had to stop by the house and get the stroller for Sam, because he had gone to sleep, and while I was out of the car getting it, we had some lightening to hit really close by. FLASHCRACKBOOM! And I screamed. I was a little bit wound up.

Well, apparently so were the kids, or at least Ellie, because when we got to the dentist, we sat for a bit to let the rain slack off, and then I pushed the button to open the door and told them to jump out and run to the door. But Ellie wouldn't jump out. She got practically hysterically crying and saying "No, I don't want to go out! I'm scared. Please, let's go home, can we please just go home, Mommy?"

Dude, I just about fell apart over that. But, it also snapped me back together and made me realize I can't let my fears get a hold of me so badly. I mommied up and got her calmed down and we went on in to the dentist and she was fine.

The only blip after that was Sam had a come apart when we tried to wake him up for his turn in the chair. I ended up having to reschedule him for a time that wasn't nap time.

Thank god the rain and storm was done and over with and the sun shining by the time we came back out, though.

Man, other countries get all the good commercials

2009-04-06T11:02:00.001-05:00

This might just be the funniest commercial, evah: http://tinyurl.com/ck8kra

Warning, not safe for work, contains some innuendo about shaved pusses.

You might be a redneck if...

2009-04-04T18:22:00.003-05:00

...you transport a horse in the back of your van. Well, it is a "mini" van and the horse is a mini horse.

After the pro haircut

2009-04-02T20:09:00.002-05:00

I took Em to see Ms. Jane, our hairstylist tonight. She did a great job with what she had to work with. Emma likes her hair, though, so I guess that is all that matters.

Kids and scissors

2009-04-01T21:12:00.002-05:00

My mother tells me that every child goes through a phase with scissors. Ellie had a short phase where she liked to cut hair off of her stuffed animals. When she was 4. The girls are 6.5 now. And yet, apparently Emma is just now having her scissor phase. She claims that her hair was getting on her nerves.

I almost cried. I might still cry. I was on the phone with our hairstylist less than 10 minutes after we saw what Emma had done. Behold the damage:

Two good eye doctor visits

2009-03-30T13:28:00.002-05:00

Sam and I have both had visits to the eye doctor in the last few days and we both had good reports.

I went last Thur and everything is great. I made him do a visual field test because I've pulled out in front of two cars recently, and my visual field is just fine. Apparently I just need to pay more attention when I'm driving.

Sam had his check up today. Other than some minor screaming when he had to have eye drops put in to dilate his eyes, he was fabulous. And his vision hasn't changed any, which is wonderful. He earned himself a trip to Target as a reward. I was surprised that we came out with a Lightening McQueen and not a Thomas, but he is thrilled. Probably because it is loud.

Clearly I am the vision of a delicate flower of frail feminity today.

2009-03-19T15:30:00.002-05:00

I stopped by Home Depot to buy some play sand for the kids' sandbox. HD employees are a little overly helpful in general. When I'm in a funk and just enjoying roaming around the store, it gets annoying having every person in an orange vest asking me if I need help finding something. Ironically, it usually never fails that when I actually do need help finding something, there isn't an orange vest to be seen. But I digress.
Today, I was after play sand, which comes in 50 lbs bags. Not light, but hey, one of my kids weighs almost that much and I can pick her up, as well as feed bags, hay and the like. I was picking up my third bag when a lady rushed up offering to help. She wasn't even an employee, as she wasn't clad in orange. I told her several times that I didn't really need help, all the while thinking it was really easier to do it myself. She watched me put it in the cart and walked away saying "Oh wow, those are heavy, wow."
Pushed my cart to the register and the lady there asked me twice if I needed help out. On the way out the door, another employee, male this time, told me to just pull my car up and he'd load it for me. When I said no thanks, he asked me twice if I was sure and "it would be no problem, ma'am."

By the time I got out of the store, I was ready to scream "I can fucking pick it up all by myself!" Because I'm ladylike like that.

Smooshed toe, Part 2

2009-03-18T20:11:00.002-05:00

I don't think it is broken, but I'm yet again limping because of a smooshed toe. This time a horse stepped on it. Not my horse, but one of the lesson horses. He was being a total PITA and wanting to graze, not be ridden. I was lead lining Ellie around because she whined through her entire lesson last time. She was doing fine this time. The horse was not. And he stepped on my damned toe and just stood there.
I don't think it is the same toe as last year. I'm not going to the ER for Xrays this time, either. For $200, I can sit at home and eat advil and put ice packs on it. Besides, it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as when Sam broke my other toe last year, so I'm not wasting a copay on the ER.

I'm ready for spring, Part 108478910485701875

2009-03-13T12:23:00.002-05:00

One more in the list of many reasons I'm ready for spring: I'm so very tired of have to soak and rewash Sam's shirts because he has smeared food on the sleeves. Short sleeves eliminate at least that one laundry hassle.

Current temp on this the 13th day of March: 38F. Yesterday it was raining, sleeting and snowing all while the Bradford pears and buttercups were in full bloom. Gotta love springtime in the South.

I don't know! I just don't fucking know the answer!

2009-03-11T21:06:00.002-05:00

I swear, I'm going to rip all of my hair out. I can't handle the questions any longer. My children have officially driven me over the edge.
Kid, "What's that?"
Me, driving the car and not admiring the scenery "I don't know, I can't see what you are looking at."
Kid, "But what is it?"
Me, "I don't know. What color is it?"
Kid, "Square."
Me, starting to twitch, "That's not a color. What color is it?"
Kid, "Oh, it's black."
Me, not seeing anything black, "I still don't know what it is because I can't see it. What does it look like?"
Kid, "It looked like a cow."
Me, resists the urge to bang head repeatedly against the steering wheel.

Cupcakes and horses

2009-03-08T18:22:00.005-05:00

This week was the birthday of the late Dr. Seuss and the girl's school celebrated all week with readings and activities, including making green eggs and ham on Friday. We finished out the week with cupcakes for afternoon snack on Friday. I was asked to bring them and make them as dr. Seuss-ish as possible. So, I did my best to make "Hat" cupcakes from The Cat in the Hat. They were a huge hit.

Adding to our busy week, on Thursday, we finally brought home our new mare, Hopes and Dreams. She has settled into the routine at the barn nicely, although she is still shy about being caught. Hope is completely in love with Ellie, though. And the feeling is mutual. We spent a most of the day there yesterday and I caught her up to brush her and just handle her some. Hope was dancing around a little, totally unsure of what was going on. Ellie came up to the fence and wanted to help me brush. I swear that the minute Hope saw Ellie, she just gave a big sigh and stood stock still. Ellie brushed Hope from head to toe and Hope never moved a muscle.

We went back over today and Hope was clearly delighted to see Ellie. We hung out at the fence for a while and if Ellie walked down the fence, Hope would follow. When Ellie walked away, Hope would snort at her to come back. It is a total love affair between the two of them.

Hope let me kiss all over her face, too, and I'm just in love with her, as well, but I completely realize that Hope likes the girls more than she likes me.

P.S. For any horse people that might read this post, yes, I am quite aware that her feet are horrible. The farrier is coming on Friday, and she will not be ridden before we have clearance from him. Her teeth need floating, too, and that will be done in April when the vet is out.

Give a child a Clorox wipe and she'll clean the bathroom

2009-03-04T10:17:00.002-06:00

I have been observing the incredible phenomenon that, in my daughters' kindergarten class, that the kids actually enjoy the privilege of cleaning up at the end of the day. The teacher gives them a cleaning wipe and the two kids whose turn it is just go to town and do a fairly good job.

Last week, I succumbed to the lure of anti-bacterial and anti-viral Clorox wipes and bought some to try and stem the spread of germs around here. So far, it isn't helping. But, upon noticing the kids' bathroom sink full of toothpaste spit once again and the general yuckiness of the room, I had the brilliant idea of telling the girls they were now in charge of cleaning their bathroom. After all, I don't use that bathroom, ever. Why should I clean it? I'm not the maid, after all. She quit, or never started or something.

So, I got the Clorox wipes and told the girls to have at it. I vacuumed the floor and put something non-caustic inside the toilet, but they did the rest, even cleaning the floor with the wipes and cleaning the toilet. I was completely impressed and THEY THOUGHT IT WAS FUN!!!!! They want to do it again! I no longer care that cleaning wipes are overpriced and wasteful. I don't have to clean the bathroom anymore!!!!! I bet they'll even clean the bathroom downstairs, too, since they think it is so much fun.

The maid has left the building!

I feel so inspired

2009-03-02T10:16:00.003-06:00

We had a very nice retreat this weekend. Lots of good, bad for you food, chocolate and wine to help us relax, as well as some creativity seminars, massage, singing along with Mama Mia and generally having a girly good time. I highly recommend it. We finished the weekend off with about 3 inches of snow on Sunday morning. Very pretty.

You can just see the lake in this one.

And the road home.

Birthday cake for breakfast

2009-02-27T08:54:00.002-06:00

Mmm-hmmmm! I had cake for breakfast this morning. After all, it's my birthday, so why not? We celebrated some last night because I am leaving in a few hours to go on a writer's retreat for the weekend. Poor me, having to spend most of my birthday away from my family. I'm so distraught. Just ignore the completely packed suitcase in the background.

I have to admit, I'm not used to eating tons of sugar first thing in the morning, and I feel a little sick after the sugar rush from all that icing.

On a totally depressing note, one of the other horses at our barn died this morning. She was colicing yesterday, but they thought she wasn't that bad. D hauled her to the vet for the owner, and the vet thought she just needed fluids and some red blood cells and pain relief. Ruby's condition deteriorated during the night and she was in extreme pain that couldn't be controlled, so the decision was made to put her down. D was distraught when she called this morning since she was the one who cared for her on a daily basis.

A bad month for the barn.

Don't open the door, moron!

2009-02-26T08:09:00.002-06:00

I've decided that the world is full of idiots. Nothing new there, but I had another encounter with one last night.

If you see a small child with no adult in sight running for the door of a restaurant, would you open the door and let him out? I hope you said no, or I'm going to smack you. DON'T OPEN THE DOOR! Small child running + open door + no parent = small child in parking lot potentially getting hit by a car.

Several times a year, this happens to us. Ellie and Emma did it and now Sam does it. The running child would slide out of the booth and take off for the door before I could even get to the edge of the seat and stand up (one reason I don't care for booths). Said kid would be out of sight in a flash. Pretty much every damned time it happened, some moron opened the door for the kid.

Most of the time it isn't the restaurant staff. We eat out often enough that most of them around here recognize us and won't let the errant child out the door (the teenaged hostesses at Logan's are the main exception).

It is almost always a man that opens the door. Maybe it is just so ingrained into them that it is rude not to open a door that they can't help it. But when the person you are helping is three feet tall and doesn't weigh enough to push the door open by himself, maybe, just maybe, it could occur to you to not let the kid escape? And then perhaps I wouldn't have to look like a dumbass running pell mell through a restaurant trying to catch my kid. Please?

On the other hand, I could just put a leash on all the kids so they can't run away from us. It might save us all a headache.

Syber bullying

2009-02-23T16:35:00.002-06:00

Yes, that "S" is deliberate. If you know what it means, fuck off the whole lot of you.

Clearly, I have invested way too much time and emotional energy in a bunch of faceless bitches on a message board since the shit flinging I've attracted over all the stuff with Maggie and now our interest in buying Hope has cut entirely too deep for my own liking. Time to find something else to do with my time for a while.

My Hopes and Dreams

2009-02-21T20:15:00.003-06:00

So, we've been horse shopping. Yes it has only been a week and a half since Maggie died, but I could see no reason to just sit on my thumbs and wait some indefinite length of time. Besides, looking at new faces has helped me to deal with my grief for Maggie. She isn't forgotten and never will be, but it is time for me to move on.

I miss riding, as it had been several weeks since I had ridden Maggie before she died. I miss having a velvety soft nose to rub that is mine, not borrowed. I miss having those ears that perk up when I come around and eyes that light up and that nicker that says "Hello! Where have you been?" Hell, I miss Maggie. I hate that I will never get to see her shed out this spring, that I will never take her trail riding. But she is gone, and tomorrow is another day.

So, we went horse shopping yesterday. D and I had 3 stops on our list with 5 horses between them. I rode some very nice horses and had two that I could have brought home and been thrilled with.

One was a little, short black 14 yr old Walking Horse gelding. Very laid back, kid safe, been there-done that. He responded nicely, but nothing seemed to bother him. He's had a lot of years of teaching kids how to ride.

The other was a taller, pale dappled gray Walking Horse mare. A smidgen less laid back at first, but she also had a bunch of dogs running in circles around her. That's enough to make any horse antsy. But, the dogs were put up and she quickly calmed down. Beautiful ride, nice energetic walk. She's had 2 yrs of professional show level training and several years of trail experience. She is very sensitive in her mouth and seat and was just a pleasure to ride. And I think she would force me into being a better rider, whereas the other fellow is so laid back that my skills could never improve and I'd be just dandy on him.

So, I really dithered over it. I was seriously thinking that I wanted a shorter horse this time. I was a'hint the do' when legs were being handed out, as my grandmother would say. In other words, I've got short legs, even for being short. I don't think I'll ever be able to mount 16 hands without a step. But 14 hands, now I could probably do that.

So, of course who have I decided to make an offer on? The taller mare. She is about Maggie's size, so I figure that I'll be able to mount without the step at some point. But I just really enjoyed the ride and really am looking forward to improving my skills with her. She's not more than I can handle, but enough to make me pay attention and not just hang on for the ride. And the girls just love her color.

And her name? Hopes and Dreams. Hope is her barn name. I thought it fitting in a way, because I had felt so much like my hopes and dreams had been shattered when I lost Maggie. And now I have Hope.

I'm bending my own rules

2009-02-19T12:10:00.002-06:00

I don't do antibacterial cleaners (I do use antiviral tissues, though) and don't, as a rule, use cleaning wipes. I use a dilutable cleaner and a cloth. But, I've had 3 colds back to back, we've had that strange stomach bug, the girls have been coughing their heads off for weeks, so the rules are out the window.

Today I'm scrubbing and cleaning and wiping everything down with Clorox wipes, which are antibacterial and antiviral. Rules be damned, I'm tired of being sick.

This and that

2009-02-17T11:40:00.002-06:00

We have the crud. (Mostly I'm just jabbering to get Maggie's picture to move down. I cry every time I look at it.)
I'm not sure exactly what kind it is, but we have it. The three of us girls are coughing. Sunday night I started running a fever and had the godawfulest stomach cramps. I would have been quite happy to throw up if it would have made it go away. Never puked, though. Stomach cramps continued off and on yesterday. I woke up feeling 90% better today.

Last night, Em had a fever and she's home with me today. She was complaining about a stomach ache Friday and Saturday. Ellie had a fever a week ago and she has complained about a stomach ache in the last week, too. I talked to the manwhore earlier and he's planning to come home from work because apparently he's got it now, too.

So far, Sam is the only one who hasn't come down with it, although he fussed about his stomach hurting late last week, too. He never had a fever, though.

On the horse front, we are slowly looking for another horse. I know it will make it easier to move on if we have another long face looking at us over the fence. I'm still reeling and guilty and grieving and pissed and just all around missing my sweet girl. I know she wasn't so sweet towards the end, but I know I will spend the rest of my life wondering if we did the right thing, even though the vet told us we were making the right decision.

I confess that my house looks like I've spent a week curled up crying over my horse and curled up holding my stomach. Eek!

In Memorium Sundust Maggie

2009-02-12T10:48:00.003-06:00

April 20, 1991 - February 12, 2009

Though we knew you but a short time, you were so loved. I had been waiting for you for so long. Three short months wasn't enough time. You'll be missed for the rest of my life.

Tomorrow is Vet day for Maggie

2009-02-10T18:09:00.002-06:00

We will be trailoring Maggie to the vet tomorrow morning. Her appointment is at 10:30. Please keep us in mind, send some good vibes, whatever.

I'll update when I know something.

From the biggest horse to the smallest

2009-02-07T18:45:00.003-06:00

So usually when the girls are having a riding lesson, they ride Random, who is a 16H tall paint quarter horse who is a retired hunter jumper. Translation: she's pretty damned big. I have to stand on a barrel to get on her. Even the step isn't tall enough.

Today, Emma had a lesson on Random and then we hung around to watch H work with one of the mini horses, Knee High. Knee High is coming 4, unbroken, never had a person on her back, ever. And she only like 8 or 9H, I guess? H flapped a bareback pad, stirrups, bridle in her face and Knee High just stood there. Put it on her, Knee High just stood there. Did some walk, trot, canter work, and Knee High just did her thing and paid no attention to the stirrups banging or the bit in her mouth.

So, I asked Emma if she wanted to ride Knee High and she took off running for her helmet. She hopped up on Knee High and we went around the round pen several times with Knee High on the lead line and me holding onto Em. Soon I was standing in the middle taking pics and eventually we had Knee High off the lead line.

She really didn't know what to do with the signals from the reins but she walked along pretty as you please around the edge of the round pen and never batter an eye at having a rider. She is such a fabulous little horse.

Small update

2009-02-04T20:06:00.002-06:00

So, we've got an appointment to take Maggie to the vet. It's not until next week, though. Such is the thing when you deal with a large equine hospital. She's safe enough for the time being. She has been separated from the other horses to protect the other owners and D. I went to see her briefly today and cried all the way home. This on top of crying all evening yesterday.

The vet has said that the only thing he can think of that could cause this kind of behavior is an ovarian tumor. The fix is surgery. There is the slight chance (based on my own research) that it could be an ulcer or hypothyroidism. Of the three, well, I don't know what to hope for.

There is the chance that they won't be able to find anything wrong with her. This I am not hoping for, because then she is just a dangerous horse and we could be faced with the prospect of having her put down. I would not sell her knowing that she is dangerous. Even if the person I sold her to could handle her, there is nothing to prevent that person from selling her to someone with kids and someone could be hurt or killed. I won't take that chance.

Keep your fingers crossed for us.

I guess I jinxed myself

2009-02-03T17:23:00.001-06:00

Shortly after I wrote the last post, D (the barn owner) called and told me that Maggie attacked her again. This is beyond her experience and I don't know what we are going to do.

Looking better

2009-02-03T15:33:00.003-06:00

The weather being what it is, we've only been able to work Maggie twice since she attacked two people. She's doing better. Hasn't attacked anyone else since then. Two lessons in the round pen of "You will move your feet when I say move or else!" have done some good, but we have plenty more to go.
She's lost 200 lbs since we got her in Oct, too, and she is at a good, healthy weight. Now she needs some muscle and that will come with exercise. You can tell she has hips, ribs and withers now.

The aren't the best shots, because she moved just as I snapped the pics both times.

Higgy Birthday Bad!

2009-02-02T10:56:00.002-06:00

Happy Birthday to the Manwhore! Here's some birthday card love from Emma to him.

Ellie made him a card, too, but I can't find it. I'll add it when I find it.

I think my horse has gone bonkers

2009-01-27T16:03:00.002-06:00

3 days in a row, Maggie has attacked someone. Twice she has gone after the barn manager and today she went after her former owner (who is now boarding her horses at the same place we are). Yesterday, D, the barn owner/manager called me all huffing and puffing and told me that Maggie had gone after her when she was carrying hay to the mini horses. Maggie bit D's ear and then turned and kicked her twice. Today Maggie went after her former owner (who owns the minis) and knocked her down.

We're all just flabbergasted because she has never acted this way before. My kids won't be getting back on her for a while, until we can do some ground work with her and figure out what the hell is up with her.

Winter

2009-01-26T09:42:00.001-06:00

I'm done with it. I'm tired of being cold. And I'm tired of days on end of low-lying, gray clouds. I'm ready for warm breezes, sunshine, buttercups and butterflies.

That is all.

Dogs and cats

2009-01-22T16:07:00.003-06:00

It is so funny to watch the dogs and cats interact. The dogs both seem to have terminal adha and the cats, of course, are calm and aloof. When they are in the house together, it is quite the scene.

The dogs: Omgomgomgomgomgomg petme petmepetme! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! You petted me. Oh look, a catheycatcomeplaywithme. Playwithmeplaywithmeplaywithme! I'm gonna poke you with my nose. Play with me, pleaaaaaaasseeee! Play with me! I'm gonna poke you again, whoah! Don't hit me, I'm gonna go away now.

The cat (hasn't even noticed the dogs yet): Open the door bitch. What do you mean you haven't gotten my food out yet? The service around here is severly lacking. Oh now you decide to feed me. Let's go, bitch, hurry up, can't you see I'm starving here?

The cat notices the dogs: What do you mean poking me in the butt, bitch? Can't you see I'm demeaning the help here? Oh no you did not just poke me again. Bitch, I will cut you if you don't leave me alone.

The dogs: Sheesh, can't even ask a fellow to play without getting smacked. We'll just go sulk in the crate for a bit.

The cat (has forgotten about the dogs): Hurry up, bitch, I'm starving here. Let's go. Finally. Move so I can eat and don't let this ever happen again.

Dinner time at my house

2009-01-21T09:07:00.006-06:00

Yesterday as I was surveying the pantry trying to decide what was going to be for dinner, I realized that I had the makings of white bean chicken chili. Yum. I love it. I would love to know how Ruby Tuesday's makes theirs because it is delish and mine is never quite the same. I'm always tinkering with how I make it, too, trying to get it just right.

So, I set out the basic ingredients:

Then I got to chopping and cooking.
Everything in the pan at last and let it simmer for a while. It smelled yummy, of course. Excuse the mess on the stove, it bubbled over a bit.

The result topped with cheese and sour cream like any good chili should be:

The reactions (Ignore the manwhore in the background. He knows he'd better fucking eat what I put in front of him if he wants to stay on my good side, ie get laid ever again. This isn't his favorite meal either.):

Ellie wouldn't even taste it. Feel that disgust coming through the screen?

Emma says she tried it and I think she ate a bite or two. She mostly ate bread.

And the Samster:

He's not so sure about it, but wait....

A clean spoon! He didn't eat an entire bowl, either, but he ate about half of it. He's got a cold, so he's off the hook.

Oh well, more leftovers for me.

Happy America!

2009-01-20T11:51:00.001-06:00

Good luck, President Obama!

I'm so verklempt, I can't think of anything else to say. Happy history making day to us all!

A shout out

2009-01-18T11:15:00.002-06:00

I want to give a nice little shout out to my cousin Jennifer. She has been designing my banners for me. The extent of my website design skills is limited to downloading free wallpapers from other places, so I bow to her ability to make banners to match for me. Rock on wid' yo bad self, girl!

And when I am a published writer, I'll be calling on you to help me design an actual website.

Welcome to the 21st century!

2009-01-15T22:31:00.003-06:00

AKA, Guess who finally got a digital camera? From now on, my blog shall be made much more interesting with the addition of many more pictures! Yay! See, look, the dogs:

What shall the future hold?

My house is too big.

2009-01-14T13:27:00.002-06:00

I've come to this conclusion today. 2000 sq ft for a family of 5, plus 2 dogs and 2 cats. Doesn't sound so huge, does it? Big is relative, though. My house is too big for me to get the entire thing clean all at once and it's driving me crazy. I can't even get the motherfucking kitchen decluttered without someone coming behind me and making a mess. Today I realized that the walls in the kitchen are dirty, the doors are dirty, the door frames are dirty, stuff is dusty. But, I couldn't get into that because I really needed to run the vacuum first. And then I noticed the dirty door frames in the den. The bathroom sink full of toothpaste. The spots on the carpets.

The list is endless and it will never be completely clean unless we move out and start over. And I'ts driving me up a fucking wall these days. Honestly, it hit me today that I am overwhelmed by the dirt and clutter. It's not nasty, CPS is going to take my kids dirt, just needs to be cleaned and decluttered dirt. And I just want to cry. Then I want to send my kids to Nana's for a week and spend the whole time cleaning the entire damned house from top to bottom. Maybe I could get it done in a week.

Damn, even the dogs have a sex radar.

2009-01-13T07:58:00.002-06:00

Who knew?
The manwhore and I were having a hug and kiss in the kitchen one night this week and we hear, "Grr, Woof!"
The dogs were in the crate and we look over at them and they are both glaring at us. We hug again and again "Woof! Woof!"
Kiss and get barked at more. We even tested them. Stand close, no barking. Hug, small bark. Kissing, more barks.

Damned dogs, can't even make out in the kitchen without interference.

Proud mommy brag warning!

2009-01-09T09:47:00.003-06:00

I have several things to brag about all at once.

Report cards came home yesterday, and of course my little angels did very well. They don't get grades, but check marks on skill accomplished and they both got all of their skills checked off. Yay!

And, in our district, kindy students have to be able to read a list of 100 sight words at the end of the year to pass to 1st grade. Mrs. S. tested the class on them in Dec to see where they are. Emma knew all 100 words (not surprising because she is freaking reading up a storm) and Ellie only missed 17 of them (and her reading is improving daily)! Yay for my little smarties!

And, we went to the Y to swim last night and got stopped by a lifeguard who told us that the rules for the pool had changed and all kids under 13 had to be swim tested before they could get in the water. Two of the lifeguards told us that they knew our kids could do it, it was just a formality for us.
The swim test was to jump in (could not sit down on the edge and slide in) the lap pool at the deep in where it is 10 ft deep (!!) and swim all the way to the other end without touching the side. Both girls looked at the bottom of the deep end and were really nervous. (And I totally understand, because I'm an adult and I know that water is nearly 5 ft deeper than the top of my head and I've never been in the lap pool because of that.) The lifeguard let the manwhore get in the pool with them and with a little encouragement, they both jumped in and swam all the way to the other end of the pool and passed the test.
I'm really proud of them for that, because the lap pool is long and I'm not totally sure I could swim the entire thing without stopping for breath. But I'm fat and out of shape and my kids are neither.

So, yay for report cards and swimming tests!

Mothers

2009-01-08T08:34:00.002-06:00

We've all got one. Can't live without her, literally, at least until they manage to grow babies in a test tube.

Don't you just love how they can manage to be so insulting without quite meaning to be?

Case in point, apparently my mom and dad, a cousin and her hubby and aunt and uncle attacked my grandmother's house and cleaned and organized it from top to bottom. I made a comment that I should hire J, the cousin, to come organize my house. I've got clutter, I know this. I admit this. Mother said, "You couldn't hire J. And dear, your kitchen wasn't cluttered, it was dirty."

WTF? It was not. But, I have spent two days this week decluttering and organizing my kitchen. And I'm not done yet. Damned woman.

Happy 2009!

2009-01-01T11:46:00.002-06:00

Happy New Year's to you all! I wish health, happiness, no financial worries and just an all around good year to you all.

We got off to a roaring start with everyone, even the kids staying up until midnight. The adults enjoyed a glass of sparkling wine (not champagne since it came from Australia, not France) and the kids went to bed at 12:02.

Today we starting off the New Year with a traditional Southern meal of pork, black eyed peas, greens, rice, mac and cheese (for the kids), cornbread and some non-traditional cheesecake. It all has some meaning, but no one can remember more than luck (blackeyed peas) and money (greens).

Dogs are so weird

2008-12-29T16:30:00.003-06:00

Jumping neck deep in a creek full of 40F water to splash and swim = lots of fun.

Being put in a bathtub 4in deep with warm water for a bath = torture.

Strange dogs.

It's Xmas Eve and My Doctor is a Dumbass

2008-12-24T08:10:00.002-06:00

Two posts for the price of one, yay!

First, it's Xmas Eve! Squeeee! And we have nothing that we have to do. Oh, I'm going over to groom Miss Maggie Moo in a bit, I've got a few presents to wrap, stuff like that. But that's all stuff that is fun. And we might go swimming in a bit. Or not. Maybe we'll just hang around and relax.

Part 2. My doctor is a dumbass. I've never noticed him being a dumbass before, soI was a bit surprised. I guess the last appointment before the staff clears out for the holidays is not a good one to have.
I went in because I've been having joint pain, muscle pain/fatigue, memory problems, muscle cramps and crap like that. It's been going on for months, and gotten markedly worse in the last 6 weeks.
Dr. Google tells me it could be RA, lupus, lyme disease, thyroid problems or fibromyalgia. And, I have a family history of fibromyalgia.

I got told that fibromylagia doesn't run in families (it does, too), that it's a catch all for people in pain that no one can figure out what's wrong with them, fat people have joint problems, etc. WTF?

He did at least ask if I was depressed or stressed out (no to both). Didn't ask if I was sleeping all right, didn't even offer to check thyroid levels until I suggested it. Basically, he did nothing. Needless to say, I'm a little ticked.

I know that for fibromyalgia, there isn't much treatment, but there is for thyroid issues, RA, lupus and lyme disease. They need to be ruled out, or even in. Hell, I almost hope it is my thyroid because then it will be all fixed with a pill. I just don't want to have to take a pill for the rest of my life.

But, he did tell me to come back at my convenience to get my thyroid checked, and I'm going to demand that they check for anemia and some other things, too.

OMG, I think we're done.

2008-12-21T10:31:00.002-06:00

We found the elusive wok at the other Target. Kids are bought for. Nephews, parents, siblings. The manwhore even managed to shop for me while I was shopping for the nephews at Target. Stick a fork in us, we're done.

On a totally unrelated note, I was at the barn yesterday giving my horse a butt massage with liniment (for her arthritis and I was totally thinking that I don't rub the manwhore's ass for him while I was doing it). While I was there, I got caught in a sudden downpour. I mean it went sprinkle, sprinkle, WHOOSH! I came home in a different shirt and no bra and he took one look at me and started laughing. Apparently the drowned rat look I was sporting precluded any speculations that I had done anything other than beg a dry shirt to get home in. Bastard.

This is what I get for being indecisive, isn't it?

2008-12-19T22:36:00.002-06:00

We are almost done with our holiday shopping, except I'm pretty sure that the manwhore hasn't gotten me a damned thing yet, despite about 50 gazillion hints that I want the cotton candy pink mammoth crocs.

We would be done except for a gift card if I hadn't been so indecisive two weeks ago and just bought my brother's gift then. He wants an electric wok and the only one Target had was $35 which was a wee bit out of my intended price range. So, I thought I would look around. But I haven't seen one any where else so we went to Target to Xmas shop tonight and get the wok. Only, no wok. They were sold out. Now I have to go hunting for one, don't I? Whah!

Have we been transported to the PNW?

2008-12-18T22:29:00.003-06:00

We haven't seen the sun in a solid week now. It's been raining for 5 days straight. When it isn't raining, or even when it is, it is foggy. Not just a little fog, but thick, rolling fog that cuts visibility down to less than 1/4 of a mile at times.

And its cold. And damp. And I don't like it. I want some fucking sunshine. If I wanted this kind of weather, I would live in fucking Seattle. But I don't. So, give me back my sunshine before I go insane!

We might be in for a rough winter

2008-12-16T07:55:00.003-06:00

Friday we had two inches of snow on the ground and the kids were out of school. (The weatherman said the last time we had measurable snow in Dec was 2000, and '97 the last time we had that much.)

Today the roads are a solid sheet of ice and we've got a two hour delay to school. It was amusing watching the dogs ice skating across the deck, though.

Bliss is

2008-12-13T23:41:00.002-06:00

A fire roaring in the grate,
A cup of hot chocolate beside me,
A good trashy romance novel in my hands,
Gifts under the tree,
Cheesy Christmas music playing.

Yesterday I could have added 2" of snow on the ground, but it's all melted today.

Still, a nice couple of days here.

Rain, rain go away!

2008-12-11T15:37:00.002-06:00

Jesus H. Christ, enough already. Three straight days of rain with temps hovering in the upper 30s is enough. Cold is one thing, but cold and wet makes for miserable weather. And the temp is supposed to start dropping this afternoon so all this rain could be turning to snow and ice, although it isn't expected to stick. Just enough to make the roads nasty.

It's so dark here that this morning I overslept because the bedroom was so dark until well after 8AM.

So, go away rain, come back sunshine!

The tooth is out

2008-12-10T11:11:00.002-06:00

We are back from the dentist and Ellie did great. They said she never went to sleep but laid there and watched the tv on the ceiling the whole time. The tooth is in a little box and I need to hit Tarjay to get the promised Barbie.

I've decided there is a huge downside to a pediatric dentist (we usually use a family dentist who doesn't have many little kids for patients): all the screaming little kids. There were kids who were three or four years old who screamed bloody-fucking-murder the entire time they were back there and all they were having done was a cleaning. Dude, damn.

Maybe I have a tree problem

2008-12-04T07:49:00.002-06:00

Can you have too many Christmas trees? Oh, you can? How many is too many? Why am I asking, well, um, maybe we have 5? Yes, 5 Christmas trees. Yes, we put them all up.
We have:
The big, "nice" one in the living room. The is the main tree, the one the presents go under.

A 4ft one in the den with all of the ornaments the kids have made at school (because I'm a bad mom and don't want construction paper and cotton ball stockings on the tree downstairs).

A 1 ft mini tree that goes on the entertainment center. This was the tree I had in my first apartment and I'm not ready to part with it.

A pinkish/purplish Disney princess tree in the girl's room that sits on their dresser. It's about 1.5 ft.

A 1 ft tall stuffed felt tree that goes in Sam's room. It has soft ornaments on it and the whole thing can be played with.

So, that's not that many Christmas trees, is it? Uh? What's that you say? A 12 step program? Nevermind, me and my Christmas trees are quite happy, thank you.

Why is there a man in a white coat knocking on my door?

A smashing end to the holiday weekend

2008-11-30T22:27:00.003-06:00

Literally, a smashing end to it.

Let me give you the highlights of the previous days first. Emma has reactive airway disease and as of today, she's still trying to hack up a lung.

We found out the hard way that our dogs get car sick, or one of them does. Hard to say. But there was poop and puke galore 3 times, as we had 3 car trips to make with them.

Other than those two things, the weekend was just grand. Much turkey and dressing and family and all was good.

We got started dragging out the Xmas stuff today, got the tree up. Then we decided to take a break. I wanted to go to yoga and Bill and the kids wanted to swim.

After yoga I went to tell them it was time to get out of the pool. Sam went to jump in one more time and did this odd spin while he was in the air that had him facing the side of the pool. And he smashed his chin on the side as he went in the water.

I yanked him out before it started bleeding, but before the lifeguards could get the first aid kit, he was covered neck to toes in blood, with a trail of drips around the edge of the pool. Got it staunched and slapped a butterfly and a bandaid on it, but the lifeguard could see that it wasn't closed. So off to the ER we went.

3.5 hours later, he has 5 stitches in his chin. It is about 1.5 in long and it was open nearly 1/4 of an inch. I'm pretty sure I could see the fatty tissue layer. Ew.

It took three people to hold him down for the lidocaine and the stitching. The only good thing is that he completely exhausted himself and he conked out shortly after we got home.

I need a drink.

A new holiday tradition

2008-11-26T13:53:00.003-06:00

I swear this is not a tradition I want to keep going. Last year, Ellie and Sam both had pneumonia right around the holidays. They were sick right before Xmas, though.

This morning, I took Emma to the doctor for a cough that wasn't going away, and while she doesn't have pneumonia, she is wheezing. Two breathing treatments later, she's kind of wired, but breathing better. We have more albuterol for later.

And while we were there, Sam fell (well, Ellie pushed the stool causing him to fall) and hit his head on the floor so hard that the nurse and doctor both heard if from other rooms. He's fine, but I'm feeling the need for alcohol and chocolate. Too bad I have to drive.

Optimism vs pessimism

2008-11-25T21:53:00.002-06:00

I've been pondering this lately. I am a pretty optimistic person. The glass is half full, things will work out, bad times don't last, etc.
I know people who are the exact opposite. Glass is half empty, things will always go wrong. You know the type. Maybe you are the type.

So, what I'm pondering is what makes some people inherently optimistic and some pessimistic? Is it nature? Nurture? Upbringing or genetics?

Confusing my thoughts on that issue is the fact that my brother is on the pessimist side of things. Same genetics. Same upbringing. What made us so different?

My husband and his sister are also opposites, with him being the more optimistic one. Now, he's not a perfect optimist. He still will assume that things will go wrong, places of business will not be open on holidays without checking, things like that. I'm not sure his sister ever sees anything good in life. Again, same parents, same upbringing.

What's the difference? What makes on person from a family be happy and optimistic and the other be pessimistic and unhappy?

I personally can't remember ever being a pessimistic person, except when I was a teenager. And any teenager worth her salt is angst ridden, downtrodden and pessimistic. Even then, I was still mostly cheerful. I just had my moments. So clearly I was either born with this personality trait or learned it very early on.

I've had the thought that even pessimistic people can learn to be more upbeat, but I don't know that for sure.

So, my deep thoughts for this week, what makes some people pessimistic and others optimistic?

Thankfulness and forgiveness

2008-11-21T07:11:00.002-06:00

Before I dive into the deep thoughts, I want to say that we walked out of Target at 9:30 last night and holy crapdamn, it was snowing! It's too early for that shit. No accumulation or anything, but it was shocking, nonetheless.

Now on to the deep thoughts.

I have gotten back into my yoga routine, going 2x a week most weeks. I can't believe how much I missed it, and how much yoga improves my attitude. Now I'm generally a fairly happy person anyway, but regular yoga helps to smooth out the tendency to get snapish, because I do also have a tendency to get snapish.

Last night at the end, she had us sit with our hands in a bowl shape. This lets us fill up with blessings. I get a little sentimental this time of year anyway, because I freaking love the holidays, but it just hit me really hard last night in yoga class how blessed I really am and I was fighting tears. This came in the wake of having a crappy day on Wed, so it was especially profound.

But, I am so thankful for my life.

I am thankful for my family. For my children that love me and are healthy and bright. For my husband that loves me for who I am, unconditionally. He likes my off kilter sense of humor, he doesn't care when the house isn't spotlessly clean. He is supportive of my writing, has made it possible for me to do things and have things (neigh!) that I thought were years away.

I am thankful for our house and the piles of kid clutter. I'm thankful for two cars that run well. The dogs that chew everything up, the cats that puke on the floor.

I am beyond thankful that my parents are still healthy and have many years still with us, and so does my grandmother.

I'm thankful that my husband has had to work late this week, because he has a well paying job with a company that is stable.

Things are just very, very good for me, for us right now. The economy is in the shitter, but we are ok. Better than ok, I think.

The only dark spot in my life this year has been with my in-laws. I've bitched about them on this blog, complained about them in real life to some people. They hurt me and Bill both quite extensively and you don't get over that kind of hurt over night. I'm sure they were hurt, too, but I felt like we apologized to the point where we were apologizing for being who we are and not just for a thoughtless action.

My father-in-law has never apologized for his part in all of this, and honestly, I don't think he ever will. And that has been a bone of contention with me, especially since one of the things he said about me was that I am self-centered. Egocentric people don't recognize that their actions have an impact on other people and never feel the need to apologize for them.

Anyway, it has been a long, hard year in dealing with them, with my own feelings. Bill and I have had some of our biggest fights because of this. This situation has been a black cloud hanging over an otherwise pretty much perfect year. Quite frankly, if it weren't for Bill, I would have washed my hands of them. I could have walked away and never laid eyes on his parents again and not batted an eye. I also probably would have held a grudge against them for the rest of my life.

But, they are my husband's parents and while he has been hurt enormously, too, he still loves them and wants to give things a chance. So, I've had to deal with them and everytime that has stirred up the hurt all over again and I have been unwilling to forgive them.

Well, I am letting go. The wounds are not healed, but holding onto the hurt was simply keeping them fresh. Things will never be the same between us, I don't think. But I refuse to keep hurting myself and Bill by holding onto the grudge. They are who they are, and while my inlaws may never be people whom I consider "my cup of tea" they did manage to birth and raise the man who is the other half of me. Clearly they cannot be all bad. So, I am forgiving them for the hurt they have caused me. Not for them, but for myeslf and my relationship with Bill and for my children who have remained blessedly unaware of all of this and still love them them with open hearts.

'Tis the season, after all. And I'm going to embrace it with both arms.

Oh, hi Mom, I'm just fine.

2008-11-19T09:10:00.002-06:00

Words to put fear into the heart of any parent. If you aren't a parent you are probably thinking WTF? If you are a parent, you're probably nodding. If not, you kid(s) are probably still pretty young.

Why would that innocent little phrase strike terror into my heart? Paired with the "I'm not guilty" look I know it means Sam has been up to something. Paired with a lack of pants and I'm running for the bathrooms to see which toilet is clogged with toilet paper. This time, he apparently kept trying to flush what looked like 95% of a roll of TP. I had to slog through toilet water. I had to clean up toilet water out of the floor. There is toilet water in my bedroom carpet because apparently the bathroom floor slopes slightly.

Oh well, at least the bathroom floor is clean now.

Ohhhhhmmmmmm.....OW!

2008-11-18T08:13:00.003-06:00

There is nothing like ending a yoga class with someone having to call 911. Not me, and not one of my classmates, though. There is a running track that passes around the outside of the Y and beside the classroom. We were finishing up class on Sun when we heard kids running (which was fine, it is a track to run on) then WHAM! THUD! AHHHHH! OOOWWWW!!! So, our instructor jumps up and runs to see what happened. She forgot her mic was still on and said "Oh my god! Oh my god!" which of course came through the speakers loud and clear.

Well, that got the entire class to jump and run. I happened to be closest to the door and got there first. There was a boy, abotu 10 or so, who had lost it in the curve and busted it face first into the wall, right on a corner over a balcony. Actually, when Sandi yelled "Oh my god!" I thought someone had gone over the balcony.

The kid wasn't over the balcony, but he had hit, bounced, spun, hit the floor and was all contorted on the floor. We rolled him over and the first thing I did was to kneel by his head and hold his head still. Fuck if I know how he could have broken his neck, but you never know.

Apparently I looked like I knew what I was doing because another lady from the class sat down and asked if I was a nurse. Nope. Just cool in a crisis unless it is my kid. But she was a nurse, so I just held his head while she checked him out.

I did have to tell Sandi to go call 911, though, just to let the EMTs check him out.

The kid walked out of the Y under his own steam and was probably sore and had a hellacious headache yesterday. I do hope that his babysitter (mom was out of town) took him on the the ER to get him checked just in case. He hit his head pretty damned hard, not once but twice.

Poor kid.

Wow, I'm going to be doing some letter writing

2008-11-14T10:32:00.002-06:00

Well, email probably.

And clearly I need to make it a point to watch the news and read the local papers more often. We got a letter home from school yesterday from the principal apologizing for the "humor" column he wrote last week in the paper for the next town over.

Here, go read it:
http://www.murfreesboropost.com/news.php?viewStory=13866

When I went and Googled the paper's webite, the link to that article was the 2nd hit to come up. Clearly he has stirred up people in the community with his lame attempt at humor.

Let me say first that I am always for freedom of speech and freedom of thought. I could care less who the man voted for. But he is a position of authority over my children and even if he doesn't consider himself a racist asshole, that is clearly how he comes across in his column.

And not only that, he looks like an idiot, too.

Points to consider:

1. If you go outside of the 2 "metro" areas of our county, it is pretty much nothing but farmland.

2. There are kids from immigrant families in our school. Kids whose parents struggle to speak English at all, much less with an accent. Besides that, why would you mock a man for his accent if you thought his ideas for running the government were good?

3. It doesn't matter how black or how white Obama's parents are. He is the only person that hasn't been a pasty white rich old man (barring Kennedy who wasn't old) to have been elected President of the U.S. That is historic.

4. And that song at the end is just over the top.

Yep, I may be late to this bandwagon, but he'll be hearing from me sometime today after I calm down enough not to use words like asshole, dickwad, fuckhead and just plain ingnorant.

Update, Part Deux

2008-11-11T16:37:00.003-06:00

So, the tooth is broken to below the gumline. It would take a root canal plus the crown to try and save the tooth. So, since it is a baby tooth, the dentist's advice is to pull it. Mama is not thrilled with our first tooth fairy visit being a pulled tooth.

But, they will sedate her to do it, so it won't be traumatic for her. Just for me. Her appointment is Dec 10. I'm sure I'll be posting closer to then and freaking out.

Edited to add: They called to tell me how much arm and how much leg. We have a $50 deductible for having the tooth yanked, and then $150 for the sedation that my fuckerbutt insurance won't pay a penny towards. Fucking fuckers.

Quick tooth update

2008-11-10T19:17:00.002-06:00

The dentist man looked at the tooth. There is actually more of it missing than I thought. More like 2/3 of it, instead of the 1/3 I thought. And, the nerve is exposed just a hair on the back of it, so he is sending us to a pediatric dentist at 8:30 AM tomorrow to see about having a crown put on it. Dentist man said he can do adult crowns all day long, but he won't do them on kids.

Wish us luck, and I'm beginning to fear I may be giving them an arm, leg and my first born to pay for this. Of course, my first born is Ellie of the broken tooth, so maybe they'll just keep her.

A chip off the old block

2008-11-10T09:30:00.003-06:00

Or, in this case, a chip off the young tooth. Ellie somehow hit her mouth on the side of the pool last Thur night and chipped about 1/3 of one of her incisors off. It's a baby tooth, but still, it's a pretty dramatic chip. She kept claiming that it didn't hurt. Not really. She can just eat on the other side of her mouth. Uh-huh. Doesn't hurt? Yeah right. But last night she actually asked for some advil.

Since our dentist isn't open on Friday, I called this AM to see if they could get Ellie in to look at the tooth. We have an appointment at 3PM. I don't even know what they can do for her, but since it's hurting, we'll go see.

Dentists are notorious for charging an arm and a leg and insurance not covering crap. So, cross your fingers that maybe they'll only charge us an arm.

So, who did you vote for?

2008-11-05T15:13:00.003-06:00

Did you vote for a black man? Because I sure as hell didn't.

I voted for the American people. I voted for the 17 million working Americans who don't have health care.

I voted for our planet, for our environment, for the push towards a greener future.

I voted for our economy because trickle down economics (thanks Ronnie Reagan!) doesn't work. I voted for the poor who are getting poorer.

I voted for the servicemen and women who are involved in a war that was based on lies, that are being killed in a country where they aren't wanted. I voted for them to come home, to live to fight another day for a cause that is just, a cause that is actually worth dying for, not for a battle that has been being fought between desert tribes for hundreds of years.

I voted for my children and their future. I voted for their educations, their health, their planet, their security.

I voted for hope, because for the first time in my adult life, I have actually been afraid. Afraid of unemployment and of losing my home, of not being able to afford health care.

I voted because I think that a woman's health care decisions are between her and her doctor, not her and the voters (and because I know that the GOP has no intentions of actually doing anything about Roe v. Wade, its just rhetoric.)

I voted because I don't give a rat's ass if you worship god, Buddha, Zoroaster, Mother Nature or the Flying Spaghetti Monster and no one should have the right to tell anyone what is moral or not.

I voted for change because I was truly afraid where this country is going.

I did not vote for a Muslim. I did not vote for a person who is not a citizen. I did not vote for a person who refuses to say the Pledge. I did not vote for a person who won't produce a birth certificate. I did not vote for a person who's education was paid for by terrorists. (Seriously, haven't you people heard of Snopes.com?)

I voted for Barack Hussein Obama, not because he is a black man, but because he is a man that I can believe in. Because the hope on the faces of children who can look and him and believe that they, too, can grow up to do great things for their country gave me hope.

History was going to be made either way this election went. I am simply glad that history was made in a way that I am proud of, in a way that I believe in. Because yes, we can make history in America still!

Yes we can!

2008-11-04T23:29:00.002-06:00

Oh my God, yes we did! We did it! I am so proud of my country. We have made history. Tonight, people of every color came together to vote for hope, for change, for the ultimate ideal of democracy. Tonight, in this the greatest country in the world, a man that 150 yrs ago would have been a slave, a man that 40 yrs ago would have sat in the back of the bus, a man that grew up with FoodStamps, tonight America has elected a black man, a man with a "funny" name, Barack Obama as our next President.

Yes we fucking can!

I have a secret!

2008-11-04T08:30:00.000-06:00

Neener neener neener! I'm not telling until after Xmas!

It's over!

2008-11-02T07:45:00.002-06:00

The last soccer game is played, the trophies are handed out (except for the two that didn't show up at the party wtf?). No more practices at 6pm. No more hunting for shoes and shin guards every Sat morning. No more whining kids (or me) about having to go. Yay! It's over!

And honestly, they aren't playing again for a long, long time. At least a year, maybe two. We have other things to do with our time now.

I think I'm going to go off my rocker before next Tue.

2008-10-28T20:25:00.004-05:00

Honest to god, I have not ever, evah, been this tense over an election. If Obama loses, I'm going to cry. I don't think he will, and I'm confident enough that I have a bottle of champagne in the fridge that I will probably pop if he wins.

But damn, I am really, seriously in fear for what it will be like if McSame wins. Oddly enough, I feel like the lone voice in the wilderness around here in fundy land. Tennessee is a red state, always has been, probably always will be (which makes me wish that my vote actually counted towards national totals and not just towards our electoral college votes) and there is some strong McCain love here.

In fact, today, my neighbor came over and we were talking about something and somehow the economy got brought up. Now, we all know the economy is in the shitter, right? Stocks are falling, banks are failing, people are losing their homes. Not a pretty picture. Yet she actually said that she was afraid of what the economy would be like if Obama wins. Really? REALLY?? Are you fucking kidding me? She thinks that 4 more years of the same old, same old is going to make things better? REALLY?!?!?

Can I have some of what she is smoking, please?

It smells cold!

2008-10-27T19:51:00.002-05:00

We're supposed to have our first frost of the season tonight and already you can smell it in the air. There is that particularly crisp, clean smell in the air that signals ice, frost or snow. I suppose that it is starting to freeze in the upper atmosphere, which causes the smell.

But I don't care what causes it. I love it. Fall. Yummy yummy!

And best of all, maybe all the motherfucking mosquitoes will die, Die, DIE!

Did your mother run over your dad with a tractor?

2008-10-22T20:09:00.001-05:00

What a question to ask a possible stranger, but hey! Did she? I know someone whose mother did indeed run over his dad with a tractor and I just found him on Facebook! I haven't talked to him since around the time the girls were born and he went off to Afghanistan. I've missed the hell out of him, and even though he's up in the land of maple syrup, caribou and Mounties, hopefully we can reconnect.

It makes me all verklempt

2008-10-21T16:49:00.002-05:00

Ok really, some of you will think I am crazy. But, I have this little fantasy of the perfect Christmas morning. In my fantasy, there is a little bit of snow on the ground, but that really is cuh-raze-eee because this is the South and there ain't no such thing as a white Christmas here. I've seen one in my 33 yrs, and that was ice, not snow.

But anyway, my fantasy. In my fantasy, we tell Ellie and Emma to look outside, and there is my friend D holding a horse for them. Maybe they have a box to open with a saddle and bridle in it, something to drag out the moment. But the doorbell rings and they look out and there is a horse for them. I can just see the looks of awe on their faces. Hell, I can see the look of awe on my face. I fucking cry like real live tears just thinking about it. I want to do this for my girls more than anything else in the world. I want to do this for them as badly as I've wanted just about anything, except for my children themselves.

I want do to this so badly for them that I ache with the desire. Crazy? Probably. Maybe it's because the one thing I wanted more than anything else as a kid was a horse and I never got one. Honestly, so far as I know, my parents never even gave it serious thought. But, I still want that horse, and now my girls are as horse crazy as I am and I want to do this for them.

Today the ache is even worse, because my friend D has made me an offer on board that has me going "OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! We can afford that!" *swoons dead away*

So. My thoughts have turned to horses and I'm searching Craigslist, Kijiji and Dream Horse like fucking mad. Now, I'm really not getting my hopes up too high. Just dreaming. But there will be discussions in our house tonight and grandparents called soon to see about contributing for Christmas, maybe. Maybe.

If this is not meant to be this year, it's not meant to be. But I swear by all the gods and goddess that one day I will be posting to this blog that finally, finally, finally, I'm buying a horse for the girls and I. One day. I swear it.

My Southern child

2008-10-17T08:57:00.002-05:00

Make that Suhthun' chil'.

After we got back from our trip to S.C., Em drew a picture of herself playing in the tidal pools, a place all the kids dubbed "Puddle Land." She titled the picture all by herself. Puddale Leind. Sound that out in Suhthun' English. Pud-daaaale Leeeeh-ind. Southern indeed.

Sometime today I'll fight with the scanner and see if I can scan the picture.

I'm not dead yet!

2008-10-14T11:55:00.006-05:00

Just on vacation. Well, I was last week. We went and crashed with my cousin and her family in Beaufort, S.C. It was a lovely time, beautiful area and I wish we'd had more time with them. Here are a few pics of us on the waterfront in Beaufort.

And one of all the kids. Can you tell which one isn't mine? Damn, our family genetics are strong.

Retail therapy

2008-09-29T15:55:00.002-05:00

It is amazing what dropping some cash on a new outfit does for my mood. I don't shop for myself much at all, and I pretty much always feel guilty about it. But when my mood is in the shitter, and I've got something moderately stressful coming up (yay for family reunions), having something new to wear make me feel better.

It's odd, because usually clothes shopping pisses me off. I'm too fat, or too short, or my tits are too big or I can't find shoes that fit my odd feet, but it seems like when I really need a lift, everything falls into place. Pants, shirt, sweater and cute shoes. Voila!

Yay for shopping!

Ow. Ow. Ow.

2008-09-27T08:34:00.002-05:00

Big, fat horse + short, fat, out of shape me = holy crap damn I don't think my legs stretch that far. Actually, they do, but I don't usually hold a stretch that long. You know those muscles that connect your groin to your leg? Those feel like someone tried to play wishbone with my legs but didn't succeed in breaking the wishbone.

I've had sore legs from riding before, but it's been on a horse that I had to maintain a constant squeeze to even keep him at a walk. That makes for sore muscles. But this is different. This is too much stretch to even sit on the horse.

Yoga, here I come.

Short girl + big horse

2008-09-25T22:21:00.002-05:00

= holy shit it's a long way up there and it's a long way down. D and I have decided that I'm just lacking in enough riding skills and confidence (mostly confidence) to ride Taco, who is my buddy. He's a love, but he likes to go fast. I'm not ready for fast.

So, she put me on Random today. Random is a 16 hand quarter horse mare that used to be a hunter/jumper. 1 hand = 4 inches. 16 hands is about 5 1/2 ft. So, as measured from her back, Random is about 5 1/2 ft tall. I'm only 5'2". Her back is taller than my head.

I stood on the ground and thought, holy crap, how am I ever going to get up there? But I did, and D said that I have beautiful posture when riding. My position is almost perfect. But, she can tell I'm not relaxed. And I'll be riding Miss Big and Pokey for a while.

So, I'm sitting up there thinking, holy crap, now I've got to get down. I swing my leg over and start sliding down. And I just keep on sliding. The ground really was a long way away. lol

I'll get there. I know I will. But it's amazing how confident I can be on the ground and still be so nervous in the saddle.

Using your kid as a human shield

2008-09-21T22:36:00.002-05:00

Perhaps this is not the best idea. Even if you are just playing a rambunctious game of "harass the manwhore" while swimming. Manwhore grabs kid, I dive at manwhore, manwhore blocks with the kid. I have a black eye. Kid has a bump on her head.

To add insult to the injury, about 20 minutes later, some guys bounced a basketball of my head. I was about to get out of the pool to get Emma a towel and I ended up sinking under the water so no one would see me cry. The manwhore asked what was I crying, what's wrong? "It fucking hurt, that's what!" says I.

Just call me Sarah Palin

2008-09-20T16:05:00.003-05:00

Just this morning, I was elected VP of my local RWA (writer's group). I volunteered for the job, but really I didn't have a clue what the VP actually does. Sound like someone else you've heard of?

So, I now know that I will be responsible for organizing the meetings for the next two years. Eek. But, I don't know anyone, or have any contacts. Again, sound familiar?

I don't really have any experience sitting on a board of officers, either. Bell? Ringing?

Thank god being the VP of a writer's group is so much less important than being the VP of a nation. And the learning curve is a little easier. I know people that know people. Experience isn't that critical here. People will give me ideas.

As a matter of fact, I have an entire page of ideas for future meeting that I brainstormed with group members at lunch. So, I think I can pull off this gig. And unlike Sarah Palin, if my President happens to drop dead (fortunately she isn't some old guy with a bad health history) I won't have to step up. I don't think. Maybe I should find out.

Makes me wonder why people voted for me. Oh yeah, I was the only one that volunteered (well, someone else did, too, but she was happy to throw the ball to me when she found out I was interested). Thank god the American voters have other choices.

The worms crawl in

2008-09-19T08:11:00.002-05:00

the worms crawl out. The worms are in my puppies' poop, grossing me out.

Ok seriously. I'm calling the vet in a few minutes, but I've had enough with the wormy poop. This is 5 days of it, and in my opinion, that's longer than the "couple of days" the vet said it would take to clean the puppies out.

And this morning there was something that I'm telling myself was maggots and not tapeworms crawling all over my kitchen floor. Dozens of them and they were all over the place, although the worst of them were right in front of the back door. Drawn to the sun, maybe?

I am done with worms and wormy things.

Honestly, if I had known the puppies had worms this bad, I would have told the girls "No." I would have thrown my vote in with the manwhore and promised them that we would get a puppy from somewhere else soon. But, quite frankly I didn't believe him when he said we would look for a puppy somewhere else.

Add to that the fact that I am a little bit (irrationally) pissed at him because I wanted to adopt an adult dog and he insisted that a puppy would get along with the cats better (the cats haven't even been an issue). Sure adult dogs can have worms, but one from a rescue would have been house trained and not shitting piles of worms in my motherfucking kitchen floor.

The puppy training is going well

2008-09-17T08:37:00.002-05:00

They are going to have me trained in no time. Haha! Seriously, they are doing really good for such young puppies. We're only having a few house accidents, all the fault of the humans. They have to go straight out when they get out of their crate. Out! Carried out! Down the steps! To the grass! Don't let them run around the house! Kids and the husband got fussed at this morning. Sox can't even get down the steps by herself, so really opening the door and expecting them to go out on their own isn't happening yet. But, she at least went out to poop on the deck and Goldie made it down by herself to go on the grass.

And they are so stinking cute playing with each other and the kids. I think even the manwhore is glad we have them.

We have two new babies in the family

2008-09-15T16:58:00.002-05:00

Like we needed anything else to drive us insane (I think we've arrived at our destination) we adopted two puppies yesterday. They are lab mixes that my parents' dog had. And if they don't get the damned bitch spayed, I'm going to kick their asses.

But, the kids just fell in love with one of them, and we decided to get two in hopes of cutting down on the crying. Today, they have been to the vet, wormed, de-fleaed, and had their first vaccine. Then to Petsmart for collars, leashes and stuff for them to chew on.

Seeing the girls running around the back yard being chased by puppies made all the hassle worth it.