The moments of parenting you hate.

No one expects parenting to be all sunshine and roses. After all, changing poopy diapers isn't exactly fun. But it is also not one of those things that you, as a parent, hate. After all, it is one of the things we expect to have to do. I mean the moments you just hate, that make you wonder why you even had kids anyway.

I had one of those days yesterday. The cranky boychild has been moved to his own room, and after a couple of good nights, including one where he slept all night, Sunday night, he was up multiple times and then after 4am he refused to go back to sleep because he wanted to nurse, but I am done. I am over it. So, I'm trying to wean him, especially at night because I am really done with that. So, we rocked, and we rocked and we rocked. And he squirmed and cried and pulled at my shirt, which in my sleep deprived state really was ticking me off.

After a while of this, we went and laid down in my bed, but still he wouldn't settle down. Eventually, at5:30, I gave up and we went to the den. I plopped him down in the floor and I crawled in the recliner. In less than 5 mins, he was in my lap and then he conked out. We both slept in the recliner until dds woke us up at 7:30.

So, with much less sleep than normal, I was much more cranky than normal. And so was the boychild. It made for a completely miserable day for both of us that copious amounts of coffee did little to alleviate.

Sounds normal in the life of a parent, I know. But it always surprises me how badly I react to sudden interruptions in my sleep and how blown out of proportion it makes everything. And honestly, it makes me angry at the child for interrupting my sleep, which is completely ridiculous, but in my sleep deprived state, I just go with it and try not to take it out on the kid.

It is those moments that I hate. The ones in which my child has done something totally normal, but it makes me feel things I don't like to feel and don't like to admit to feeling.

Thank the gods that he is sleeping better this week. He is waking up only once and is content with being rocked back to sleep without being nursed. Hopefully we are on the fast track to sleeping all night and mom getting some good solid sleep. And maybe a lot more action between the sheets, since we don't have a kid in the way anymore. lol

All night long!

I've been styling up my house again. This weekend we cleaned out the guest room (and I am totally ashamed to admit how dirty it was. That was the last room I got to when we moved it, and it never got a thorough cleaning.). I painted it robin's egg blue, decorated it with baseballs and we moved Buddy Boy in. He is very excited about it, too. The first night, he ended up back in the bed with us for a while, but I put back in his crib at 2:30 and he slept until 7:30. The next night he was up a couple of times and ended up in the bed with us at 4:30 because he wouldn't settle down.

But, last night. Ah, last night. We put him down at about 10pm and he slept all night long until about 7:30 Yeah! *does the happy dance!* I went to check on him then and he was laying in the bed just looking around. I know he won't do this every night from here on out, but what a good start. And I'm so rested today.

We celebrated a birthday today.

I am such a good mommy. Let me polish my badge. See is sparkle? Why am I such a good mommy, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. I made a birthday cake for Fire the Fly, El's imaginary friend. A real cake. A chocolate one, with chocolate frosting. I even put a candle on it and we sang Happy Birthday to Fire.
What a damn fine mommy I am.

This is so not going to be a good weekend.

I've had a headache for 2 days (I think I have a sinus infection) and now the manwhore has a stomach bug. He was up most of the night running to the bathroom, so now he's going to sleep all day. The kids are driving me nuts and I can't run away. Someone hold me.

The learning curve may be steep, but I finally figured it out!

It is beautiful and sunny out today. The temp is 73* according to the weather dohicky on the computer. We didn't even come back upstairs after breakfast, just went out and played until lunchtime. A late lunchtime, at that.

We played outside all day yesterday, too. The kids were all asleep by 8:30. I think El was out before 8pm. Yeah! Maybe they'll crash early tonight, too.

While we were out yesterday, I finally got out the multi-piece playhut structure the kids got for Xmas. I've been dreading getting this thing out because it is about 10 pieces of those pop up, spring steel play house things. The kid you have to fold and curse and hold your mouth just right to get back closed again. We have 2 of these things already, and thanks to my inability to figure out how to close them, one of them got ripped when the manwhore tossed something on top of it in the garage.

Today, though, I had to close up all the ones I opened yesterday because the wind is blowing, and god knows those things are like a fucking parachute and the slightest wind sends them flying. The good news is that I finally figured out how to close the fucking things back up! Hold your mouth just so and start twisting and voila! They are closed! Yay!


The downside to spending the morning playing hard is that all of the kiddos are overtired and over cranky. I have declared it is naptime, even if they don't sleep.


And for those of you keeping track, I've decided I'm not pregnant. Aunt Flo is still lighter than normal, but definitely a red flow. Too much to be implantation spotting.

I'm so paranoid.

So, the red tide arrived yesterday. You would think that I would now be convinced that I'm not pregnant. But oh no, not me. lol Why, you ask? Well, because dear old Aunt Flo isn't her normal self. Very light and brown. Brown?! My two pregnancies announced themselves with implantation spotting that was heavy enough to make me think I was getting my period, but it was like a light period and brown. But, both times it was actually a day or two before I was due, not 4 days late. So, who the fuck knows. If I don't get a full red flow, I'll pee on another stick. lol

So, I peed on a stick.

Only one line. Thank god.

Of course, I still haven't started my moon time, so until I see blood, I will be nervous.

I will confess to feeling the tiniest smidgen of disappointment at the lack of a second line. I was thinking about sweet little baby heads, and tiny fingers and feeling the awe at growing a life inside of me.

But, also I was thinking about sleepless nights and someone else sucking on me for months and months and probably another c-section, and I find myself relieved.

And, since I entertained the thought of RU 486 or something for about a minute, that tells me that I don't want a child badly enough to not risk this again, so the manwhore will be getting the snip snip. He can call Mon and make the appoint.

Of course, I bought a 2 pack of hpts so if I don't get my period in a week, I'll pee on the other one.

Oh my fucking god.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Shit. Damn. Fuck. Motherfuck. My period is 2 days late. My moontime. Aunt Flo. Late. 2 days late. The last two times that happened, I was pregnant. Holy shit. And here I am in the middle of BFE at my parents' house and no way of getting a stick to pee on without making up some excuse for going somewhere and I have no excuses. Stick peeing will have to wait until tomorrow.

Shit.