A bit of self therapy

So, I'm readying the Intuitive Eating book and one of the things they talk about in giving up the diet mentality is giving up your scale, and I'm just not ready to do that. I think that I don't yet trust that I will actually lose weight this way, so I keep the scale and weigh myself to see if the process actually works.
I remind myself that it is all about little steps. Right now it is enough that I am doing well with my eating, and most of the time choosing stuff that is healthy and stopping when I am full, etc. I actually threw away some cake tonight. It just wasn't that good, so I didn't eat it. That is like a major break through for me.


Also, in other bits of self therapy, I was thinking about why I get so mad when the manwhore has to work late. I mean, I realize that he doesn't like being there until 6 or 7pm anymore than I dislike it. So why the hate on? I've realized that part of it is I just flat out miss him. He has changed his schedule from 7am-4pm to 8am-5pm so he can take the girls to school. So, he's home an hour later in the evenings than he used to be. That is less time that we have together in the evenings, and I miss him.
The other realization that I've had is that I sometimes wonder if he's having an affair (I've actually thought to myself that it's a good thing he's calling from his desk phone and I can see it on the caller id). Sad, huh? But, it has occurred me that I've been with two other men that were cheaters.
My first real boyfriend in high school, James, was dating someone else and I was "the other woman." In retrospect, I wonder what the hell my mother was thinking, because it wasn't a good thing for a 15 yr old girl. Then there was Chad. He was the last guy I dated before I met the manwhore. I thought he was so shy and whatnot that he would never cheat on me, even though we lived in different cities. I was IN LOVE with him, and thought I was going to marry him. He dumped me in an ugly, painful way and I found out later that he had been cheating on me.
So, two guys that I was in love with, both cheaters. And now, even though I have no reason to ever think that the manwhore would ever cheat, I have a fear of him cheating on me. He's shy and a bit nerdy like James and Chad, and they both cheated, so I've transfered that fear to him. Hence, the anger when he has to work late, I think.

The psyche is an odd thing, I do believe.