Monday, September 29, 2008

Retail therapy

It is amazing what dropping some cash on a new outfit does for my mood. I don't shop for myself much at all, and I pretty much always feel guilty about it. But when my mood is in the shitter, and I've got something moderately stressful coming up (yay for family reunions), having something new to wear make me feel better.

It's odd, because usually clothes shopping pisses me off. I'm too fat, or too short, or my tits are too big or I can't find shoes that fit my odd feet, but it seems like when I really need a lift, everything falls into place. Pants, shirt, sweater and cute shoes. Voila!

Yay for shopping!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Big, fat horse + short, fat, out of shape me = holy crap damn I don't think my legs stretch that far. Actually, they do, but I don't usually hold a stretch that long. You know those muscles that connect your groin to your leg? Those feel like someone tried to play wishbone with my legs but didn't succeed in breaking the wishbone.

I've had sore legs from riding before, but it's been on a horse that I had to maintain a constant squeeze to even keep him at a walk. That makes for sore muscles. But this is different. This is too much stretch to even sit on the horse.

Yoga, here I come.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Short girl + big horse

= holy shit it's a long way up there and it's a long way down. D and I have decided that I'm just lacking in enough riding skills and confidence (mostly confidence) to ride Taco, who is my buddy. He's a love, but he likes to go fast. I'm not ready for fast.

So, she put me on Random today. Random is a 16 hand quarter horse mare that used to be a hunter/jumper. 1 hand = 4 inches. 16 hands is about 5 1/2 ft. So, as measured from her back, Random is about 5 1/2 ft tall. I'm only 5'2". Her back is taller than my head.

I stood on the ground and thought, holy crap, how am I ever going to get up there? But I did, and D said that I have beautiful posture when riding. My position is almost perfect. But, she can tell I'm not relaxed. And I'll be riding Miss Big and Pokey for a while.

So, I'm sitting up there thinking, holy crap, now I've got to get down. I swing my leg over and start sliding down. And I just keep on sliding. The ground really was a long way away. lol

I'll get there. I know I will. But it's amazing how confident I can be on the ground and still be so nervous in the saddle.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Using your kid as a human shield

Perhaps this is not the best idea. Even if you are just playing a rambunctious game of "harass the manwhore" while swimming. Manwhore grabs kid, I dive at manwhore, manwhore blocks with the kid. I have a black eye. Kid has a bump on her head.


To add insult to the injury, about 20 minutes later, some guys bounced a basketball of my head. I was about to get out of the pool to get Emma a towel and I ended up sinking under the water so no one would see me cry. The manwhore asked what was I crying, what's wrong? "It fucking hurt, that's what!" says I.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Just call me Sarah Palin

Just this morning, I was elected VP of my local RWA (writer's group). I volunteered for the job, but really I didn't have a clue what the VP actually does. Sound like someone else you've heard of?

So, I now know that I will be responsible for organizing the meetings for the next two years. Eek. But, I don't know anyone, or have any contacts. Again, sound familiar?

I don't really have any experience sitting on a board of officers, either. Bell? Ringing?

Thank god being the VP of a writer's group is so much less important than being the VP of a nation. And the learning curve is a little easier. I know people that know people. Experience isn't that critical here. People will give me ideas.

As a matter of fact, I have an entire page of ideas for future meeting that I brainstormed with group members at lunch. So, I think I can pull off this gig. And unlike Sarah Palin, if my President happens to drop dead (fortunately she isn't some old guy with a bad health history) I won't have to step up. I don't think. Maybe I should find out.

Makes me wonder why people voted for me. Oh yeah, I was the only one that volunteered (well, someone else did, too, but she was happy to throw the ball to me when she found out I was interested). Thank god the American voters have other choices.

Friday, September 19, 2008

The worms crawl in

the worms crawl out. The worms are in my puppies' poop, grossing me out.

Ok seriously. I'm calling the vet in a few minutes, but I've had enough with the wormy poop. This is 5 days of it, and in my opinion, that's longer than the "couple of days" the vet said it would take to clean the puppies out.

And this morning there was something that I'm telling myself was maggots and not tapeworms crawling all over my kitchen floor. Dozens of them and they were all over the place, although the worst of them were right in front of the back door. Drawn to the sun, maybe?

I am done with worms and wormy things.

Honestly, if I had known the puppies had worms this bad, I would have told the girls "No." I would have thrown my vote in with the manwhore and promised them that we would get a puppy from somewhere else soon. But, quite frankly I didn't believe him when he said we would look for a puppy somewhere else.

Add to that the fact that I am a little bit (irrationally) pissed at him because I wanted to adopt an adult dog and he insisted that a puppy would get along with the cats better (the cats haven't even been an issue). Sure adult dogs can have worms, but one from a rescue would have been house trained and not shitting piles of worms in my motherfucking kitchen floor.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The puppy training is going well

They are going to have me trained in no time. Haha! Seriously, they are doing really good for such young puppies. We're only having a few house accidents, all the fault of the humans. They have to go straight out when they get out of their crate. Out! Carried out! Down the steps! To the grass! Don't let them run around the house! Kids and the husband got fussed at this morning. Sox can't even get down the steps by herself, so really opening the door and expecting them to go out on their own isn't happening yet. But, she at least went out to poop on the deck and Goldie made it down by herself to go on the grass.

And they are so stinking cute playing with each other and the kids. I think even the manwhore is glad we have them.

Monday, September 15, 2008

We have two new babies in the family

Like we needed anything else to drive us insane (I think we've arrived at our destination) we adopted two puppies yesterday. They are lab mixes that my parents' dog had. And if they don't get the damned bitch spayed, I'm going to kick their asses.

But, the kids just fell in love with one of them, and we decided to get two in hopes of cutting down on the crying. Today, they have been to the vet, wormed, de-fleaed, and had their first vaccine. Then to Petsmart for collars, leashes and stuff for them to chew on.

Seeing the girls running around the back yard being chased by puppies made all the hassle worth it.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Operation water bottle rescue

Remember my previous post where I mentioned the water bottle falling out of the van and rolling into the storm drain? Well, I made three trips back up to the school to try and retrieve the damned thing. Can't throw $15 down the drain, now can I?

The first trip I took the grill tongs thinking I could stick my arm in and reach it. Result = failure. The drain is too deep and the gap in the grate too small for my arm anyway.

The second trip I had my friend's pick up pal magnet on a handle. I knew that the handle was going to be too short, so I wisely brought some yarn to tie around the handle. I thought it would be a breeze, because it is a really strong magnet. Result = failure.
Apparently the water bottle isn't the kind of stainless steel that is magnetic. Dammit.

The third trip involved the magnet again, a roll of packing tape and a broom. I put a wad of tape on the magnet (it wouldn't stick to the broom) and lowered it down. Then I got the broom down there and pushed the tape firmly against the bottle. Result = Success!
It took three attempts to get it, but I did get it. I'm oddly giddy about the whole thing. I feel like I've beaten the odds or something.

I wish I had a digital camera. My bitches at Sybermoms were asking for pics and I would have loved to oblige them. Ah well. Ce la vie!

Sometimes a good day goes bad

Or at least irritating. Yesterday started off nice. The manwhore took a mental health day and stayed home. He took the girls to school then we took the boy to school and headed to Target. Nothing's better than a little Target shopping without any kids. Home for some marital bonding, lunch out, and then I was off to get the kids while he mowed the grass.

This is where it went downhill. First, I got flipped off while driving. But hey, asshole, don't get pissy if you sit through two changes of the fucking traffic light and someone honks at you. You got car troubles? Put on the damned hazard lights or wave people around you. I'm not psychic, so how am I supposed to know that you can't go, especially after you did actually drive your car up to the line? Hm? Up yours, too, asshole.

Then, after giggling over being flipped off (it was funny, in an indignant, I can't believe you did that, asshole, kind of way), I arrived at the girls' school. We pull into the line and Sam was wanting stuff out of his lunch box. So, I get out, open his door and I'm giving him stuff. I notice that there is a bunch of crap in the girls' way, so I started trying to clean up the van some. I opened the door on the other side and went around to move some more stuff. As I was going around, one of our stainless steel Thermos water bottles fell out. And woudn't you know, we were right next to the fucking storm drain and the damned thing rolled into it before I could catch it? I could se I couldn't reach it with just my arms, so I cursed mightly but quietly (lest Sam repeat something at his overly god infused preschool) and got back in the van.

Feeling foolish but determined, I got the girls, came home and sent the rest of them swimming. I grabbed the grill tongs and went back to the school to see if I could get the water bottle. No luck. The opening in the grate wasn't big enough for me to get my arm in and the drain is deeper than I realized.

My friend with the horse farm has a magnet on a pole that she loaned me, so I'm going to go early to pick up the kids (when hopefully no one else will be there to watch) and see if I can get it with that.

This is what I get for trying to save the damned environment and buying $15 fucking water bottles.

Sigh. (But the day got better when I got to ride for a bit last night!).

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Ok, I'll admit it, I was wrong

I have, in the time that the girls have been in school, wondered why it is that my elementary teachers got by just fine without parents helping out in the classroom, but today's teachers seem to expect parental help. I figured they were getting parents to do stuff that they would otherwise have to do at home.

Now last year, the only times I helped out was for parties and field trips and such, because that was the only time the teacher ever asked for help. Of course, in the readiness class, they didn't have homework or anything to do at home.

This year, the kindy teacher told the parents that she needs help in the classroom, and I was mentally rolling my eyes. But, when she sent out an email last week asking for some help, I told her I could give her a few hours on Tue. So, I show up and sure enough she has me copying and paper clipping and tearing out and folding. Boring. Time consuming. But, I got an eye opening look at what goes on in a kindy class. And let me tell you, the woman needs help.

Granted, everything I did was stuff she could have done at home (other than the copying) but it took me two hours and I can understand why she doesn't want to be up until all hours doing it if she can get some help because there is no way she can do that kind of piddly paperwork at school.

There are 17 kids in her class (average for their school). Of those there is a kid with autism (he has an aide at least part time and is pulled out for therapy part of the time), a kid who while very smart, barely speaks English, a kid who has some sort of ADHD diagnosis and was off her meds yesterday (the girl told another teacher she was off her meds, so I just overheard) and three kids who it was recommended that they be placed in the readiness class (the one the girls did last year) and their parents refused (so they are very young and immature. All of them had tantrums and/or cried while I was there).

Those 6 kids could easily take up all of her attention, but the teacher does very well at making sure they don't. Still, they get much more attention individually than the easier kids do. In fact, while I was there, she barely interacted with my two girls at all, simply because they weren't constanly bugging her and calling "Mrssssssss. Staaaaaaaannnnnnllllllllleeeeeeyyyy! Looooook! Anna's doing that! He's touching me! Mrssssss. SStaaaaaaaaannnnnllllleeeeeyyyy!!"

I suppose my kids don't do that because if they did it at home I would simply kill them. I was ready to run away screaming and my name isn't Mrs. Stanley. Eek.

So yeah, even with an aide for one kid, an education assistant an hour or so a day, I think the teacher needs some help, at least with the piddly paperwork stuff.

Monday, September 08, 2008

This probably makes me a perv

But oh well. Actually, it really reveals my boob envy.

Anyway, the girls had a birthday party to go to yesterday. The mother of the birthday kids (twins that were in the girls' class last year) had on a tank top with little spaghetti straps. I couldn't figure out how she was managing to wear a bra and it not show under the shirt. She had to have a bra on because she had the nicest, perky, round tits I've seen on anyone over the age of 25, especially for someone who has 3 kids. Clearly she had to have a bra creating that illusion. Right?

When she leaned over to pick something up right in front of me, giving me a full frontal shot right down her shirt, I realized there was nothing under that tank top but her. No bra. Those tits really are full, round, firm and perky. And she has to be pushing 40.

Now I'm wondering if they are real, and I should be totally jealous, or if she's had them lifted or enhanced and I should be finding a surgeon. Not that I need mine enhanced. I need my un-enhanced. But a reduction also includes a lift, so I'll come out of it with firm, perky boobs, too.

Friday, September 05, 2008

I must be insane

This fall we have all three kids playing soccer. That means practices 2 days a week on Mon and Wed and games on Sat, with two different game times. And the girls are still riding horses, although not much since it's been so hot.

And, they came home from school having heard about the Girl Scouts and begging to join. So, we went to the info meeting last night and basically committed to joining the Daisy Scout troop that wil be formed for their age. So I will be adding a Tue night Girl Scout meeting to the mix twice a month.

Insane, huh?

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Glasses update

So, Tar-jay's optical shop was open on Mon, Labor Day. But, the glasses could not be fixed. No big surprise there. Fortunately, they had the same frames in stock and so they were able to just put the lenses from the old frames into the new ones. That saved us a little money. And since the frames were less than a year old, they replaced them for 50% off. Even more money saved. Yay!