So, it being a new year I am newly motivated to work on getting skinny again. I am most annoyed with myself that I let myself gain back about 10 lbs. So, I'm having to lose that first and then lose even more. I know that I should want to lose weight for health reasons, blah blah blah. But in all honesty, I want to look hot in a bikini again.
Now, I am fully aware that this may never happen without surgery, as I have been very fat, had twins while very fat and then had an almost 11 lbs baby while only slightly less fat. The skin on my stomach will never be the same again. But it would be nice for people to look at me fully clothed and think that I would look hot in a bikini.
Also, I would like to be able to shop in pretty much any store I want (or can afford) and know I can buy clothes off the rack. Right now, I'm in a 16, and most stores generally only carry through a 14, or sometimes a 12 unless they have a plus dept. Even then, the selection is smaller and usually looks like stuff my grandmother would be caught dead in.
I want to be able to pick out a hot cocktail dress for the Xmas party and it look good on me. Even the hot cocktail dress at Lane Giant this year looked like crap on me. I mean, what designer in her right mind designs a dress for fat chicks that is a halter top that no bra will work under, has an empire waist (think immediatley looking 6 months pg) and shows off the back (ie back fat)? It was horrible, and I wear the one of the smallest sizes LB carries. No offense to women who wear a 28, but no one that fat should be wearing that dress.
So, anyway, back to the healthy eating and getting more exercise. And, I have realized, that I feel so much better about myself when I am doing this. Not because of the weightloss, but because I just feel better. More energy, no heartburn, no bloated from too much salt, no guilt from eating stuff I know is bad for me.
Not to say I will never eat stuff that is bad for me ever again, but through the holidays it seemed like that was all I was eating.
So, it is making me happy to be back on track with my eating and lifestyle in general.
On to the flow of time. I have come to believe that there is something about having children that causes the flow of time to speed up. Remember when summers used to last forever? And Christmas took forever to arrive? That doesn't happen anymore. Things are over almost before I have a chance to enjoy them. The last vacation we took went by so fast that when we left, I didn't even feel like I had been on vacation at all. Hell, it went so fast we didn't even get many pictures of it.
The last thing that took forever for me was the 6 weeks I spent on hospital bedrest when I was pg with my girls. It seemed like it would never end, at the time. People would tell me that one day I would look back and wish I had time to lay in bed all day and I thought they were crazy.
Then I was in labor and those hours and the ones before I got to see dds were some of the longest of my life. I thought in that first day that the time before they came home would be unmeasurable, but it was over in a blink. Another blink and we were having their first birthday party. One minute they were tiny, 2.5 lbs preemies, then we were terrified as we brought them home weighing 4.5 lbs. And then they were sitting up and talking and even though they were late walking and meeting some milestones, it wasn't long before they weren't babies anymore.
Now they are pain in the butt 4 yr olds and I wonder every day where my babies went. I miss the times I spent holding them all day in the recliner. Now they aren't still long enough for more than a quick hug (unless they are trying to butter me up for some reason).
Adding ds has just speeded up time even more. I swear it was just yesterday that I found out I was pg and now he is 19 months old. He was a baby just a blink ago and now he's walking and talking and pitching temper tantrums.
I've been told it only gets worse when you have grandchildren. I can't imagine and I'm not even going to try. It goes by too fast now.
So, I believe that you have to hold onto every hug and as many moments as possible. I don't plan to enjoy temper tantrums and stomach viruses and scary dreams that have them crawling in my bed at 2am, but I do plan to try and remember that even the worst moments of parenting are fleeting. And the best moments just simply fly away.