Coitus disappointus

We spent the weekend car shopping. Well, van shopping to be exact. The manwhore has decided that our van has too many miles on it and is too small, so a shopping we will go. He had done his research online and narrowed it down to a couple of vans at Driver's Way. Except, the one he really wanted was a silver Dodge Grand Caravan at the DW in Pehlam, AL. But we can go to the one here and look at the same model and test drive one and all that, and if we like it, have the other one transfered up. So, we do all that and we test drove a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan yesterday. White with a lovely leather interior and all the bells and whistles, except a dvd player.

I like it. In fact, I love it. I want it. We have a leather interior now, and it is so easy to keep clean. A little swipe of saddle soap and it is as good as new. Cloth has to be cleaned. Wugh. And I really don't care about the dvd player. We've made 2 trips to the beach and one up the Eastern Seaboard to Maryland with our kids, all without a dvd player and they have been fine and dandy. So, I really could care less about one.

We test drove it for too long, I think. We should have just done a quick up and down the street. Instead, I decided to take it out on the interstate. I drove it down two exits and was going to make a loop back to DW when the manwhore pipes up and jokingly says "We could just drive on home from here and see if it fits in the garage."
"We could," says I. "Do you really want too?"
"Um. Yes. I really want to see if it will fit in the garage."
"Ok. Home it is."
We ended up spending about 2 hours driving the white van. Much too long. Long enough to be emotionally invested in it.

But, the clincher is that the one we test drove is $2500 more than the one in Pelham, partly because of all the bells and whistles and partly because the one in Pelham is from Louisiana. It seems there is a stigma on cars from there and they have a hard time selling, so the DW in Pelham has really reduced the price of this van until it is really a steal. They guarantee it hasn't been flooded. lol And that price difference pushes the white one out of our price range. And it is foolish to pay that much more for a van just because I want leather seats. I agree with all of this.

But, it doesn't help the fact that I am totally in love with this van, and I am very afraid I'm going to be totally disappointed in the silver one. Like, afraid I'm going to cry disappointed.

It's like I've already started this lovely love affair with the white van and during the middle of it, I'm being switched to an unknown and possibly disappointing lover. Le sigh.

We'll see. The silver one should be here tomorrow. I wait with bated breath.

I think my husband was jealous.

So, I had my girl date with my friend. Loreena McKennitt was awesome, and we had a blast talking non stop all the way there, walking around downtown, eating, looking for the Ryman, and all the way home.
I got all gussied up, because I don't have too many occasions to do so. This time, I actually took a curling iron to my hair, and thanks to the miracle of improvements in hair products, it curled, looked natural and stayed curled, even after I slept on it. Amazing! The manwhore came in whilst I was attacking my head with the hot implement, and looked surprised. Then he commented that I never curled my hair for him. Walked away with a bit of a pout.

Maybe I should drag out the curling iron more often, eh?

Penis fish

So, I've spent way too much time thinking about that penis fish on GA last night. That thing was huge. I'm thinking it must be much smaller when it actually swims up the urethra of some man's wanker. After all, having a 7 or 8 in long fish swim up one's penis must be again to reverse childbirth, a condition that would make most men want to chop their weiner off with a machete, which instrument would probably be handy in the Amazon.


As for me, I've been bitten by the spring cleaning bug. I've been spot cleaning carpets, washing windows and window sills and all sorts of stuff. Whoo hoo. But, my house is pretty clean. Not perfect, but pretty damned clean.

I have a girl date!

Yay! I'm so excited! My friend, who is Cleverly Disguised as One of the Masses over there in my list, and I are going to see Loreena McKennitt on Fri night. What fun!

Secrets of the Karma Snotra.

I'm talking about sex today, so if you don't want to hear about my sex life, stop reading now.





Still reading? Of course you are.
Is there anything more frustrating than, when you are both quivering with desire and engaged in the hottest foreplay you've had in a while, your toddler wakes up and starts crying? Honestly, at times I have to wonder how kids manage to grow up and avoided being throttled by sexually frustrated parents. But, honestly we're rather used to the interruptions by the children at this point. I snatch some clothes (mostly to keep said toddler from going ballistic because there is a bare breast in his face that he can't have), run down the hall before he gets too cranked up and hopefully he is back asleep in 10 mins or less. Usually we manage to rekindle the mood.

But, there is one thing that is at least as annoying, and certainly not very sexy, and that is getting your groove thing on while you have a cold. I mean, honestly, can you think of anything less sexy than having to say "Honey, SNIFF we need to change positions SNIFF because my nose is SNIFF running SNIFF and I'm about to SNIFF drip snot on you? SNIIIIFFFF" Missionary style is henceforth called for when I have a cold.
After I had to make the above statement last night, the manwhore laughed at me and said I should write a book and call it "Secrets of the Karma Snotra." Hence the title of this post.

Dammit!!

I thought I was close to being done with the consignment sale crap. I've gone through about 150 index cards and safety pins (making price tags) and I'm out. And I found another box of baby clothes in the garage. Waaaaaahhhhh!!!
And, I've gone through stuff and have a box of baby boy stuff to give to mom's neighbor (teen mother who is broke) and stuff to give to two of my cousins.

Maybe I can scrounge up someone else to give some to. lol

Yuck.

I have a cold. A sneezing my head off, snot dripping, heachaching, bright red nose, miserable cold. And, I'm on the rag. And I'm supposed to be organizing stuff for a consignment sale. I don't wanna. I've got to, because it has to be ready to go in a few days, and I am trying to move boxes and boxes of outgrown kids' clothes. But the more I do, the worse I feel, and the lower my prices are getting. I'm just tired of dealing with it and want it the fuck out of my house!

The results are in.

We met with the dr to go over Em's MRI results this morning. She has a small lesion in the ventrical area of her brain. Dr M said it is something that is commonly seen in very premature babies, which dds were. It was caused by a mild brain bleed, and then the blood calcified. It will always be there, but it won't get any bigger and is nothing to worry about as far as her development from here on out.

Em's upper body strength is fine and her motor skills are actually a little advanced for her age. It is just her lower body gross motor development that is delayed, and since she is improving, we have every reason to think she will catch up, eventually.

So, while no one likes to know that their child has something wrong with their brain, it is what we were expecting and hoping for, so it is good news. Even if she is never as physically capable as she could have been, that's ok. She can be in the band, or on the math team. lol


And now for a funny story. We went to church on Easter with my brother and his family. I swear the roof was creaking as myself, my mother, father, and aunt were all there and we aren't church goers at all. As we were leaving one of the elders was giving out Easter eggs to the kids. My nephews took theirs and went outside. I went out a few minutes later, and A was chasing C around. C had taken A's candy apparently. A yells at C, quiet clearly "Give it back, douchbag!" rofl
I was seriously about to die trying to keep from laughing. This is the same child who has chided me for saying the word Hell where he could hear. It seems he heard douchbag from his oldest brother, M, who is 17, and A didn't know what it meant. He looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole when I told him it was something that some women use to wash their vagina. roflmao

Good times, I'm telling you what. lol

Good god, the candy.

When did Easter become like Halloween? I swear we have more candy in the candy bowl now than we did the day after Halloween. Why does chocolate say "Welcome Spring!" or "Welcome back from the dead, Jesus?" Bunnies and chicks and eggs I get. They are fertility symbols and symbols of new life and rebirth, etc. But chocolate? Maybe it's just a convenient medium for making eggs and stuff. lol

Still, I'm taking part in a weight loss challenge on my mommy message board and I can hear chocolate eggs calling me. Eat me! Eat me! But, despite all the eating yesterday and the unhealthy eating on Sat, I am down 2 lbs for the week. Yeah!

Em is laying in the floor having a tantrum because I offered her a pbj instead of a "snack." WTF? We're seriously low on groceries anyway, but I'm going to try and get us through the day so I can go tonight without all the kids with me. Me and 3 kids in the grocery store is a recipe for a stressed out mama.

We put a mattress on the floor of Sam's room so one of us can sleep in there if we can't get him to sleep in his crib and I've had the thought that maybe he will sleep on that by himself for a while and get used to sleeping in there and then we can transition him to his crib or a bed or something. I don't care, just stop waking up 50 times a night, kid!

MRIs and sedatives.

Em had her MRI yesterday. We won't find out the results until her appoint with her pediatrician on Tues. But, it went well yesterday. I was a nervous wreck, and so was dh, although he was being manly and trying to hide it. But, I've learned over the years that when he is constantly jiggling his legs and stuff that he is trying to hide his nerves.

Anyway, she did really well. She protested a bit over the IV, even with the EMLA cream, but I've had IVs done with local anesthetic and they still aren't comfortable. And I think they hurt the entire time they are in my hand, so I understand her dislike of it. I was cuddled up on the stretcher with her when it was time to go to the MRI, so I just rode on it with her. She freaked out a little bit when she saw the machine, but I think it was just the noise. Apparently the magnet is always running, so it was making a thumping noise. But, the got the anesthesia going and she conked out in Dad's arm in about 5 seconds, so it wasn't bad. 45 mins later, dh and I come back to find her awake, but drunk, which was quite amusing and a bit of a tension release for us. She chilled out all day yesterday, but was fine.

I will admit to having midnight fantasies about sedatives for the bratboy, though. He is being a little shit about sleeping in his crib. Lately, the most he has done is about an hour in it. The worst has been when he wakes up almost as soon as his butt hits the mattress.

So, as I sit and rock him, I entertain fantasies about sleeping pills and sedatives for toddlers. It just seems like if he slept all night in there for about a week, he would realize that he is ok in there and then we could wean him off the drug and be good to go. lol

And yes yes, I know, people would totally abuse it, etc, etc., blah blah blah. It's just a fantasy.

I am such a country girl.

I wonder if my neighbors will complain about my white trashiness? I have a clothes line strung between the deck and the kids' swingset. Klassy, no? lol

Apparently, we are, also, diehard soccer parents, as well. We had practice last night and it started raining. The two new kids on the team and their parents grabbed their stuff and left. We just waited it out and kept playing after it stopped 5 mins later. Go Team!

Cleaning is boring.

So says one of my 4 yr olds. Hey kid, don't you see me jumping with joy when I have to scrub toilets or do laundry? No? Well, you must have missed it, I can't imagine why anyone would think cleaning is boring.

Well, ok, so she's right, cleaning is boring. Dusting is so boring that I pretty much never do it. Maybe twice a year I will dust. lol

But, my sweet kiddo, I hate to tell you this, but you will be cleaning for a long time. Not just in my house, but in yours, too, when you have one. Unless you manage to find that rare man that is a little bit OCD and cleans like mad or something, you'll be doing the bulk of the work, even if you have a full time job. Sucks, doesn't it?

On the plus side, my manwhore mopped the kitchen floor this weekend and the response he got from me was nice enough that I bet I get more help around here in the future. You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar, and I have a hive. lol