We don't beat our kids, really

Em is sporting a lovely shiner this morning, thanks to her idjit daddy. He was pulling a computer keyboard of out the desk and it was hung on something. Any intelligent person would have reached in and freed the cord by hand, but instead, he had to yank the entire keyboard. The cord came loose and the keyboard went flying, right into Em's face. One swollen nose, one cut, one very black eye, including a bruise on her actually eyeball.


I missed the entire incident, but Em assures me that daddy snuggled her (I cried on his shirt, she says) and he put an ice pack on it, so he felt appropriately parentally guilty. Which is good, because I want to paste him one for giving my bay-bay a black eye. Good thing I love the big lunk.

I keep debating sending her teacher an email, just because when asked, both girls usually say something like "Daddy threw the keyboard and it hit her!" Teacher is going to think the manwhore just randomly tossed computer parts around or something. lol

I was off at my friend D's house when the incident occurred. She is suffering from a stomach virus this weekend, which sucks anytime, but sucks donkey balls when you are single and don't have a spouse to send to the store for gingerale and saltines. It sucks even more when you have 5 horses depending on you for their food and you are so sick you can't drag yourself out to feed them. So, she called me and asked me to feed them. Apparently I'm the only person besides her that can deal with the idjit pony and the new horse. I was quite happy to help, and even stopped at the store for real gingerale (that actually has ginger in it) and crackers and bananas.

I haven't heard from her today, so I'm guessing she's feeling well enough to throw feed at the horses today.

Taking myself seriously as a writer

I'm taking the first steps down that road. I have faxed my application to join the RWA, which is the professional organization for romance writers, and when I get confirmation from the national organization, I will join my local group. Then in February, I will be going to their yearly members writing retreat. There will even be a real live editor from Harlequin there. EEK! I am not planning to have an appointment with her, though, because I don't think I'll have anything finished by then.

But, it is a major step down the road to becoming a writer. The "real" kind, with published works.

Still, for some reason, I dither and delay about opening up that word document. I spend way too much time everyday talking myself into it. It's almost like I'm afraid someone is looking over my should and thinking I'm being silly or something. Still, I've got almost 70,000 words of one novel written, even though I intend to go back and edit, edit, edit. Must finish first!

I suck, like big time, damn

I was climbing down the bunk bed ladder after tucking El into bed tonight and bumped the shelf on the wall. It fell, ripping the nails out with it (and I didn't even hit it that hard WTF?). On that shelf was their snow globe collection and two little angels someone gave them as babies. All broken, except one snow globe. How it survived, I have no clue.

Their floor is covered with glass, water and glitter, and I can't finish cleaning it until the water dries.

My name is complete and total mud. They cried, I cried. It was a bad night all around.

On a positive note, snow globes can be repaired. For the low, low price of $30 a globe. Two of these things cost less than $2, and one was only about $10. Only one of the big Disney ones is worth even considering having it repaired. But, no one, except maybe Bill Gates, would spend $30 fixing something that cost $2. I just can't, no matter how much they cry.

So, we will be making a trip to some store, some where this weekend to see if we can find some snow globes that will be suitable replacements, without spend a fortune.

And I suck. Really and truly. And I'm still crying. Dammit all to hell.

Rain, rain, go away!

Come back again another fucking day! I swear, I think that nature is trying to make up for the drought we had last summer. But why can't it do so on Mon, Wed, Fri, Sat, Sun? It has rained pretty much every Tues and Thur, or at least during the night before, since Xmas. And Tue and Thur are my days out with the horses. Kind of hard to play with horses in the pouring down rain, or if there is mud up to your knees.

And it's raining today. Buckets of rain. And it's supposed to rain on Thur, too. More buckets of rain. I'm beginning to think that it will be spring before we get much accomplished with the horses. Fucking crazy Southern weather.

On a related note, I'm getting tired of being cold. We've had our 3 weeks of winter. Enough now.
Also, I think that one plus side to living up north is probably the snow. At least if there is snow on the ground, it makes the freezing ass cold temps seem worth it. But what is the point of having highs in the mid 20s if there isn't even any snow to play in? You just freeze as you look outside to the brown grass in your yard.

Houston, we have poop

Probably entirely TMI for my dear readers, but I am excited in only the way the mother of a diaper wearing child can be excited. So far today, we've had no pee accidents and even, dare I say it? Poop in the potty!

The power of the Thomas the Tank Train bribery toy is awesome. One entire day with no wet undies wins the boy child one Percy playset, complete with train, building and some track. Cost to me, $15. That's like half the price of a case of diapers, or the same price as a pack of pullups (which are merely diapers in another, more expensive form), so if it motivates him to potty train, then it is $15 well spent.

So far, this venture has cost me $10 for another Percy train to get him to actually pee in the potty. Still, I figure that even if this costs me three or four or even five or six train toys and sets, in the long run, it is cheaper than two or three more cases of diapers.


And, love of the train set has prompted not just pee, but poop in the potty as well, so it is money doubly well spent.

We won't mention the fact that two hours later he pooped again, this time in the undies. One poop in the potty is a start.

Too much furniture!

If we put any more furniture in our den, the room is going to explode. We now have not one, but two desks in here. We added another one this weekend to hold the kids' computer. Every bit of wall is now covered. It makes me twitch some, but really, I don't know how else to arrange it. And one day they will be gone, and the house will be empty, so I would rather it it be too full now.

If you hear a crash from your closet

You would do well to hope it is the skeletons trying to escape or some gay person trying to come out. That would be much easier to deal with than the crash in our closet this weekend. Apparently the hooks that hold up the shelving were feeling their age, and they all broke on one side. Only the top shelf right up at the ceiling that holds the manwhore's hat collection didn't fall. All of my clothes and all of his clothes in the floor and spilling out into our room.

So, we went to one of the big home improvement stores yesterday and drooled over closet systems. In the end, I declared that it would be foolish to buy a whole new shelf system when we could just replace the hooks on the one we have. So, we did, and added some stackable shelves, a shoe organizer, and a set of drawers. Our closet is now neater than the bedroom. We can actually walk in there, all the way to the back wall, for the first time in years.

I think part of my spring cleaning will be to clean off the top shelves and organize up there. We have so little storage space in this house that we really shouldn't waste what we've got.

To inject a bit of humor, while vacuuming the floor, I pushed back the hanging clothes on the other side and say something brown and fuzzy moving against the wall. I jumped about a foot and was on the verge of screaming and running when I realized it was just the tail to the manwhore' Cowardly Lion costume. Why does he have a Cowardly Lion costume you ask? Well, it involves work and a Halloween contest...

Is it a barn or Peyton Place?

No, I will not be the go between between you people!!!!! Put on your big girl panties and work it out like adults.
Le Sigh. Seriously, this is why I don't like people, generally and tend to be a hermit. My kids are into horses. The neighbor's kid is, too, and she owns a horse. We asked them for a recommendation for a riding instructor and they sent us to the lady that boards there horse. I've gotten to be friendly with both of them, and as I've mentioned here before, I've got the chance to lean Parrelli horsemanship with D, without having to shell out big bucks for a seminar or the Parrelli materials.
But now, D and L are not getting along so well. L has pulled away and it has hurt D's feelings, and they won't talk it out. But I'll be damned if I'm going to be the one to tattle on them both. Fuck that, just because I'm friends with you both doesn't mean I'm going to be your go between. Grow up, deal with each other and leave me out of it!

This is why I take my calcium

Yesterday, it was warm and very windy. I've been cleaning house like mad, including washing pillows and suck, because El is sick, yet again. With it warm and windy, I decided it would be a good day to save some electricity and hang towels and quilts and stuff on the clothes line. Well, warm and windy in Jan in the South means eventually it will rain and probably storm. It finally started to rain while I was cooking supper and since I still had things on the line, I went running after them. On the way back in the house with an armload of wet blankets, my wet shoe met wet linoleum, and I went flying. I slammed into the counter and then into the floor and landed on a pile of wet laundry. Whilst laying there contemplating the possibility of broken parts of me, Em comes up and hops in her chair at the table and asks "Is supper ready yet?"
Supper was not ready yet, and after deciding nothing was seriously injured, I drug my aching self off the floor and finished. I ached all over for the rest of the evening, but today I don't seem to have any injuries other than a bruise on my leg where it hit the track for the sliding door.

And my oh so thoughtful manwhore didn't bother to offer to help me up, and never asked me if I was ok, and throughout the evening afterwards never asked how I was feeling. His only comment was "I guess we won't be having sex tonight?" Um, no asshole, we won't and maybe not again this week or next week. Bitch.

As for El, the rapid strep test was neg, and the pediatrician thinks there is a good chance she has mono. As in, the kissing disease that teenagers usually spread around like wildfire. WTF? Obviously it spreads in other ways besides kissing, but still. The ped says that it is much easier on little kids than teens or adults, so that is good. If she's still running fever by Fri, we can take her back in to draw blood to check, as it was too soon to do so on Mon. We only need to know for sure because she rides horses and can't risk a fall when her spleen might be enlarged, which usually happens with mono. Whoopee.

Post Christmas bloggage

Christmas was good. The toys were a hit. The kids are all finally well. I'm finally improving from 2 weeks of stopped up infected ear hell. Spaghetti and cheap wine for supper. Life is good.

Happy Christmas Eve!

I am as excited as a little kid about Christmas. I cannot wait until tomorrow. Only now, I don't care what I'm getting. I can't wait to see the kids open their presents.

We've had a bit of family dramah, but I've just taken the "I don't give a fuck" attitude about it, and we're having a good time at home with just us. The in-laws will be here later, but the manwhore will be going after wine, and I have hard cider, beer and rum for eggnog, so it can't possibly be that bad. lol

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

Someone please just shoot me

I have a cold. The umpteenth one this fall. This one involves a head crammed full of snot and two ears that are so full of said snot that I can barely hear. And they hurt. Especially the left one. It hurts enough that I drove home from lunch with the manwhore contemplating sticking a needle in my ear and popping my eardrum. Sure it would be excruciatingly painful for a few minutes, but supposedly a ruptured eardrum only hurts for a few minutes and then the release of pressure from behind it brings such relief that it doesn't hurt much anymore. Of course, it takes months to grow back and in the meantime you can't get water in your ear. But still, it might be worth it, if only it would make the side of my head stop hurting.

When runny noses attack

I try to act like a lady, really I do. Sometimes I fail miserably, though. I think today is one of those times. I have a cold and apparently my cold meds wore off on the way home from Xmas shopping, because my nose started to run. I mean like running down my upper lip type running. So, what is a lady to do? At first I wiped it on the back of my hand, wiped that on my leg and drove one handed until I found the hand sanitizer and cleaned my hand. Then it started up again. In total desperation, I grabbed Ellie's winter hat and blew my nose on it. Gross, I know. I picked the girls up from school, came on home and tossed the hat in the laundry. And as I was getting out of the van, I found a fucking napkin stuck down beside the seat. Of course I couldn't find it before I blew snot all over my kid's hat.


So, obviously I am not much of a lady. So sorry.

You people need to go buy some stock in Lysol

I'm going to hose my house down in the stuff. Yesterday, I started sneezing and the dripping nose crap. I can. not. handle. another. sick. person. Not even me. I can't handle me being whiny and cranky. I can't handle any more whiny cranky kids. Everyone has to get the fuck well.

The biggest positive to the kids all being out of school for 2 solid weeks is that maybe everyone will get well and the germs at school will all die, Die, DIE!!!

Christmas awesomeness

Is that even a word? Awesomeness. I guess so, as my spell checker didn't flag it.

Anyway, the awesomeness that is Straight No Chaser:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8&feature=related

Pneumonia X 2

So, Sam's cold and fever thing? Pneumonia. He was starting to breath fast yesterday and last night he sounded like he was wheezing. We were on the phone with the oncall doctor at 10:30PM trying to decide if we needed to go to the ER with him. The go now point was 50 respirations per minute and he was at 48.

So, first thing this AM, we got him an appoint and the doctor listened for about 2 secs before saying that he had pneumonia. His pulse ox was running in the low 90s. He got a loverly antibiotic shot with the consistency of cold maple syrup in his leg, so he's been limping around all day.

Ellie, at least, is on the mend and was back at school today.

I will admit to being much more worried and upset about Sam than I was about Ellie, because she never acted that sick. I suppose she has was some people call walking pneumonia. Sam has "I'm sick and feel like shit" pneumonia. So, because she hasn't really felt that bad, I ASSume she's not as sick. But Sam is clearly much sicker and laboring to breath and all that. He slept in the bed with me last night and will again for the next few nights.

So, cast your spells, send good thoughts and prayers and put a fucking hex on the god damned germs, if you please. It's going to be a long fucking winter if the first illness we run through is pneumonia.

At home with two sick kiddos

So, Sam is sick, too. Not pneumonia. Probably just a cold, but he's running a fever so it could be turning into an upper respiratory infection or a sinus infection. He's cranky, El is cranky. They are getting on each others' nerves and getting on mine. And it is unseasonable warm here and it's hot in the house and I'm sweating, but I refuse to turn the A/C on in December.

And I'm going to have to drag two sick kids to the grocery store if we are going to eat tonight. Blech.

Go away germs!

All three of the kids have colds. El has been running fever off and on since the weekend and yesterday complained of an earache. So, off to the doctor to see if it is infected. It is. And she has pneumonia. WTF?!?!?!? How does my child have pneumonia and me not realize it?

She's had a lingering cough from the one after the other colds, so you would think the fever would have tipped me off. Besides, she bouncing around like she doesn't feel that bad. Except that now she's whining like a little buttwipe because she wants to sit in the chair and Em is in it. lol

But, my baby is sick. Poor girl. Go away germs! Away!

The Hair knows and Sex-dar

Yesterday afternoon, I met my parents halfway and handed over my three darling children and my minivan and watched them drive away, to be gone for the next 24 hours, more or less. I giddily drove home in their little suv (which unfortunately smells like an ashtray) and spent the next several hours primping for the manwhore's company Christmas party. Hair was curled, mascara applied, and slinky black dress donned. We were on our way, only to sit in traffic for 45 minutes or more, but we finally arrive. The theme was a nightclub, and there was much loud music, drinking and prime rib. Two out of three can't be complained about. Except there were no knives to cut the prime rib. I got happily sloshed on 4 glasses of cheap merlot (the free drinks) and we went home to a childless house. Of course we were pulling clothes off of each other before we made it through the door. There followed a lovely bit of time together that anyone who has kids can just imagine for themselves. lol

The next morning, we were planning a little encore and getting snuggly in bed when the manwhore's cellphone rang. It was work, with a problem. We can't escape the sex-dar. We get rid of the kids for a while and the fucking help desk turns theirs on.

Now for anyone who doesn't know, sex-dar is this thing that children come equipped with that causes alerts them anytime their parents are about to have sex and prompts them to interrupt somehow. It is strongest at birth and tapers off as they get older. In young infants, mom and dad even looking at each other with lust in their eyes will cause the sex-dar to ping and the baby will wake from the deepest of sleeps and cry. By the time baby is fed, changed, rocked and settled back to sleep, the mood has passed and the parents collapse into bed. As the child ages, the sex-dar weakens and they start sleeping through cuddling, hand holding and eventually quickies that last less than 5 minutes.

By the time the kid is a year old or maybe 18 months old, you might actually get 15 or 20 minutes of sex in. This is how little brothers and sisters are made. This starts the cycle all over again with the new baby. Eventually, though, you stop having younger siblings and the kids start to grow up and mom and dad can have some quality time after all the little dears are asleep. Hugging, kissing and other displays of affection that happen while the kids are awake still ping the sex-dar and cause kids to come running from the other end of the house demanding your immediate attention. This usually ends when the kids hit their teens and are so grossed out by the very thought that their parents might have ever had sex, much less still do it, they run from the house at the least little bit of affection between the parents. Of course, then you are staying up waiting on them to come home from dates and whatnot, so you still aren't getting any.

Apparently people who are on call have another sex-dar scanning them, only it doesn't work all the time. The result is we get interrupted by the cell phone only once every couple of months or so.

So, this morning, we got interrupted by the cell phone, and since we had to hit Toys R Us to finish up Christmas shopping (and I was hungry) we gave up. The manwhore asked if I was going to wash my hair, while eying it with some trepidation. I said yes, because I knew it was sticking up every which way and generally looked like it had been mussed up doing what we had been doing. He laughed and said "The hair knows!" Needless to say, I washed all of the hairspray and squashed curls out of it before leaving the house.

Deck the halls and all that crap

My house is all decorated for the holidays. I have a couple of things left to do, but really, the halls are decked with plenty of holly, and bows and greenery and stuff. As I was finishing up the the arrangement on the dining room table, I wondered why I go to all the trouble. Why not just throw up a tree and some lights outside and be done with it? No one is likely to see it but us. I spent days decorating just for us. When Christmas is over, I'll have to spend days taking it down, and its likely no one will have seen it but us.

Speaking of decorating, it think I'm going overboard on trees. We have 5, count them 5, Christmas trees this year. We have the big one in the living room. A 4 ft one in the den with the kids' ornaments from school and stuff (mil gave us this one. It was left over from her kindy teaching days.) The girls have a 2ft purple princess tree in their room. There is a 2 ft tree that I put in the kitchen, left over from my single, tiny apartment days. And lastly, a 1 ft felt one on the coffee table for Sam to play with. 5 trees. All decorated. Only the felt one doesn't have lights. The manwhore says we have a Christmas tree forest.